What to do when you love him but he is happy with someone else?

When he tells you he is happy with someone else, he is usually not testing you. He is telling you where he is so you do not have to guess. That is kind in its way, even if it stings. The thing to read here is not whether he still has a little feeling for you, because almost any man can feel a bit of warmth toward someone he used to date. What matters is whether he is asking you for anything. If he is not asking for your opinion, your reassurance or your availability, then the door he has described is closed for now.

Watch what he does with the rest of the conversation. If he moves on quickly, talks about her in a relaxed way, or changes the subject, he is telling you he wants this to be settled. If he keeps circling back to you, asking if you are okay or if you are angry with him, he is probably still carrying guilt, and he is hoping you will take that off him. Those are different needs, and they call for different replies.

There are really two kinds of reply that fit this moment. The first is the short, warm one: you acknowledge what he said, you say you are glad he is happy, and you leave it there. Its job is to close the loop. A draft is the right kind when it is one or two sentences, has no question at the end, and does not mention what you wish had happened. It should leave out any mention of your own feelings beyond the word you are glad, and any hint that you hope he will reconsider.

The second kind is the honest one: you say you have feelings for him, that it is hard to hear, and that you need some space. Its job is to tell him where you stand so he does not assume you are fine. A draft is the right kind when it names one feeling, is honest about what you need, and ends without asking him to respond. It should leave out any request for a conversation, any suggestion that you are open to seeing how things go, and any long backstory. If you cannot say it in a few sentences without adding a question, the draft is still doing a job you do not want it to do.

Do not send a reply in the first hour. Give yourself a day or two so that whatever you say comes from your steady self and not from the first wave of feeling. If he has written something that needs a response within a day, answer it once, briefly, and then stop. If he has not expected a reply, there is no need to send one at all.

If he does not respond to your honest message, let the silence stand. Do not send a second message to check whether he got it, and do not send a follow-up a week later to see if anything has changed. Stop when you notice you are rereading old messages, checking his profile, or building a case in your head. That is the point where you are no longer replying to him, you are still waiting for him, and the conversation is over.