What to do when he wants to hang out but won't do public plans

Look at the history, not just the last message. If he has proposed his place every time and every public option you suggested got a vague maybe, that is a pattern. If he picked a bar once and cancelled the day before, that is a different signal. Pay attention to how he frames the invite. Phrases like just come over or it's more chill at mine are about his comfort. Phrases like I'm bad at crowded places can mean he is anxious, or that he wants the evening kept private for reasons he has not said.

Notice whether he ever names a specific time. A vague wanna hang sometime with no day attached usually means the plan is not real yet. Someone who wants to see you will usually name a day, even if the place is one you would not have picked.

Once you have read the pattern, your reply's job is to make a public option easy to say yes to. Pick one specific place, one daytime slot, and a short window like an hour. Daylight and a short time lower the pressure for both of you. A daytime coffee also gives him an easy way to say yes without it feeling like he is giving in to you or to his own nerves. Name the place plainly. Do not list three alternatives, because a menu invites him to choose the one he can back out of.

The same reply should decline the home invite without turning it into a verdict on him. You can say you are not doing evenings at someone's place yet, and mean it as your own rule. Keep the tone warm and the request clear. You are not asking him to explain himself. You are asking him to pick a time and a place, and that is the only thing that will show you what he means.

Send the public plan once, then wait. A reasonable window is one to two days for a reply, longer if he says he is busy and gives you a rough time frame. If he comes back with a real time and place, confirm it that same day so the plan stays solid. If he goes quiet, send one short follow-up that names the same plan again, with no guilt and no new options. A second message is enough. A third one starts to read as pressure, and then he has a reason to stop replying for reasons that have nothing to do with the plan.

If he answers with another home invite or another maybe, do not keep pitching. Let his next move be the answer. If a couple of weeks pass with plenty of texting and no public plan, you have your answer about whether he will meet you on terms you can accept. You do not owe a long explanation for stepping back, and you do not need to argue about the reason.