My girlfriend says I don't respect her

When she uses the word respect, read it as a request to be taken seriously. She is probably not saying you are cruel or contemptuous. She is saying that on certain topics, her opinions, time, or feelings get less weight than they should. Look for the context: did this come up after you ignored her when she was talking, after you made a plan without her, or after a joke landed on something she was sensitive about? Those are the situations where the feeling tends to come from.

Also notice whether she is angry or sad. Anger often means she has been holding this for a while and wants a change. Sadness often means she is feeling distant from you and is checking whether the connection is still there. Both need a response, but the tone of your reply should match which one you are dealing with.

The useful question is about a specific time. Something like what happened the last time you felt that way gives her something concrete to answer. Broad questions like do you think I don't respect you invite a yes or no and a sense that you are asking her to justify herself. Concrete questions let her tell a story, and once she has told one, you can respond to it directly.

When she does name a moment, your job is to reflect back what she felt in that moment and what you can see now from her side. You do not have to agree with how she interpreted it. You only need to show that you understand why it landed the way it did.

A conversation about respect is only a start. The real signal comes in the days after, when she notices whether the thing she named changes. If she said you cut her off, watch whether you let her finish the next few times she talks. If she said you make plans without asking, check in before you commit to anything. You don't need to announce these changes. She will notice them, or she won't, and either way the pattern is what she is responding to.

If she brings it up again a few weeks later with the same complaint, don't treat it as a fresh argument. It means the change hasn't happened yet, and that is worth a direct, calm conversation about what is getting in the way.