What should I do when my ex who broke up with me wants to get back together?

Read what changed between the breakup and this message. Did they go through something that made them see the relationship differently, like a bad stretch alone, a new job, or a friend telling them honestly what they were like? Or did they just get lonely, or see a post, or feel nostalgic? Both can be real, but they tell you different things. A message that names a specific change, even a small one, is more solid than one that only says they miss you. If the message is vague and only about feelings, assume that's where things stand until they show you more.

Also notice what they're not saying. If they skip over why it ended, that gap is information. A person who has done real thinking will usually mention what they got wrong, even briefly. If they treat the breakup as a misunderstanding or a timing problem, the same issues are likely still sitting there.

Pick the kind of reply by what you need to find out. A reply that asks what has changed on their side is for getting real information before you commit to anything. It should be short, warm, and open, with one question that invites them to say something specific. A reply that names what you're still carrying is for being honest about your side without starting a debate. It should say plainly what didn't work for you, without blaming, so they know the reasons still matter. A reply that slows things down is for when you want time. It should thank them, say you need some space to think, and say when you'll answer. In all three, leave out lists of grievances, leave out promises about the future, and leave out any sign that you've already decided. A draft is the right kind when it asks for information or gives time, and it is the wrong kind if it sounds like a final answer.

Don't answer at 2am on the same night their message landed, even if you're flooded with feelings. Wait until you can read the message again the next morning and notice what you actually think. Give yourself a day or two before you decide on any real step, and let the first contact breathe. If they don't reply to your question within a week, don't keep sending follow-ups that push. One gentle check-in is fine. After that, the silence is an answer, and you can stop. If they do reply and it's specific and honest, you can start a slow conversation, maybe a call or coffee, with clear expectations on both sides. If the replies are vague, or they keep returning to the same charm without substance, it's reasonable to close the door kindly and move on.