Is it a red flag if he doesn't text every day?

A missed day tells you almost nothing. A pattern tells you more, and the pattern has to be read in context. Look at how the gaps behave. Does he go quiet for three days and then come back warm and specific, referencing something you said? That usually means he's busy, not gone. Does he go quiet and come back with the same low effort hey every time, never suggesting anything? That's a different signal, and it deserves a more honest look.

Also look at what happens in person, if you've met. If the dates are good and he follows through on plans, the texting gap is probably a style difference. If he's vague about meeting, cancels, or pulls back after a good night, the silence is part of a bigger picture. Read the texts alongside the actions, not on their own.

When he does reach out after a gap, the first job of your reply is to answer what he asked or said, and to say it without a trace of the hurt or the question about where he's been. Curiosity about the silence tends to come out as a test, and tests invite him to defend himself rather than move the plan along. Keep your reply light and forward moving, with one thing he can respond to.

If you do want to raise the pattern, wait until you're in a moment where a real conversation is possible, usually in person or after a good exchange. Say what you noticed in one sentence, without the list of grievances behind it, and ask a question he can answer honestly. You're checking how he communicates, not building a case.

Timing shapes how a text reads. A late night message after a long silence can feel like a booty call or a bid for attention, which invites a quick reply and not much else. A reply sent during the day, when you'd send it to anyone, reads as relaxed and makes it easier for him to answer without it feeling like a big thing.

If he texts you after a gap, don't reply within thirty seconds unless you're already in the middle of a conversation. A short wait, even an hour or two, signals that your time has value without making it a game. If you haven't heard from him in a few days and you want to reconnect, one message is enough. If he doesn't reply, don't send a second one that asks why. Give it a few days. If nothing comes, the answer is that he's not making space for you right now, and you can move on without a dramatic exit.