How to reply when she asks why you should talk on a dating app
What to say when a match asks why she should talk to you. Replies that answer her question and start real conversation.
When someone asks 'why should we talk' or 'why should I message you back', she's basically asking what makes you worth her time. This isn't rejection. It's an actual opening if you handle it right. She's inviting you to give her a reason.
The mistake most people make is getting defensive or trying too hard. You don't need to convince her you're perfect. Just answer honestly and in a way that invites her into something. Show you've actually read her profile. Reference something specific she cares about. Make it about what you could actually talk about together, not about what makes you impressive.
A good reply says: 'Here's something real we could discuss.' It's direct, it's personal, and it doesn't put pressure on her to validate you.
Get replies that sound like you
Screenshot the conversation in WingAI. It reads the vibe and gives you natural replies for this exact situation.
Try for freeWhat she's actually signaling
When someone asks 'why should we talk', she has already decided your opening message or profile caught her attention enough to write back. She is not looking for reasons to delete the conversation. She is testing whether you can give her something real to work with.
She is asking for two things. Either your first message was generic and she wants you to prove you read her profile, or she gets a lot of matches and is filtering for people who can articulate why they're a fit. Both scenarios reward the same response. She wants you to connect the dots between who she is and what the two of you could actually discuss. If you ignore her profile and talk about yourself instead, you fail the test.
The two jobs your reply must do
First, it must show you actually read something about her. Pick one detail from her profile or her message and reference it directly. Not a generic compliment. A specific thing she wrote or shared. This proves you are not sending the same message to ten people.
Second, your reply must create an opening to talk about that thing together. The point is not to impress her with what you know. The point is to say, 'I notice you care about this, I find that interesting, and here is a conversation we could have.' You are inviting her in, not asking her to validate you. If your draft sounds like you are trying to earn a gold star, rewrite it.
Timing, patience, and when to move on
Send your reply within a few hours of her message, while the conversation is still fresh in her mind. Do not overthink it. A thoughtful reply that lands the same day beats a perfect reply that takes three days.
If she does not respond after one reply, do not send another message. Wait at least three days before deciding the conversation is done. If she has not written back by then, she has made her choice. The right move is to accept it and move on. A second message will only push her further away. Save your energy for conversations where both people are showing up.
Why these replies fail
“Because I think you're really hot and we could have fun together.”
It says nothing about who she is and asks her to validate your attraction instead of creating a reason to talk.
“I'm a pretty cool guy. I have a good job, I like to travel, and I'm looking for something real. We should definitely connect.”
It is all about you and ignores everything in her profile, so she has no reason to believe you actually want to talk to her specifically.
“Well, you seem interesting. Why don't you tell me why I should want to talk to you?”
It flips the question back on her and comes across as defensive, which makes her feel like she has to prove her worth instead of you proving yours.
Common mistakes
- Being defensive or sarcastic in response. This kills the conversation before it starts.
- Listing your accomplishments or why you're a catch. She didn't ask for your resume.
- Being too generic. 'Because I seem cool' doesn't answer her actual question.
- Not actually engaging with what she cares about. She can tell you didn't read her profile.
- Making it desperate or needy. Tone matters more than word count here.
Questions people ask
- How specific do I need to be when referencing her profile?
- Specific enough that your reply would not make sense if you sent it to someone else. If you mention her love of hiking, say which part of her bio mentioned it or ask about a specific trail she tagged. Vague references feel lazy and defeat the purpose.
- Should I answer why we should talk or why she should message me back?
- Either framing works if you handle it the same way. You are explaining what the two of you could talk about together. The answer is the same: you have spotted something real you share or could explore, and you want to discuss it with her.
- What if I cannot find anything specific in her profile to reference?
- Then her profile is too bare for you to write a good reply. Move on. A response that works will always have something to grab onto. Do not force a reference that is not there.
- How long should I wait before sending a second message if she does not reply?
- At least three days. A second message sooner than that looks like you are chasing. If she has not responded in three days, send nothing. The conversation has ended.
What people say after using WingAI
“I was skeptical at first. Then I tried it on a dry chat and the replies actually sounded like me, not a chatbot.”
Mazoonx
“Used it for a couple hours and set up a date the same night. Not even kidding.”
Nikola2214
“She went cold mid-week and I had no idea what to say. The reply I sent felt natural and she picked the chat back up.”
Marcus T.
Get replies that sound like you
Screenshot the conversation in WingAI. It reads the vibe and gives you natural replies for this exact situation.
Try for free