How do you tell someone on a dating app that you're not interested?

The right wording depends on how much she's put in. A match that has only been liked back has invested almost nothing, so a short, light closing line is enough. A match where you've traded a dozen messages, shared plans, or talked on the phone has put in more, and a message that's too brief can feel like a slap even when it's honest.

Look at what she's actually asking for. If she's proposing a specific date or a time to meet, she's expecting you to show up, so the message needs to address that directly. If she's just chatting, you can be lighter. Your message should be proportional to her effort, not to your mood.

The message should state what you've decided and stop there. Something that says you've enjoyed talking but don't feel a connection and don't want to keep messaging does the job. The sentence about not feeling a connection is about you, not a judgment on her, and that's why it works. Avoid anything that rates her, compares her, or lists specific things she did wrong.

If she pushes back with a question, you can answer once, briefly, and repeat the decision. You don't owe a full explanation. Repeating yourself in a calm, short way is more respectful than building a new justification each time she asks.

Send the message at a reasonable time, not late at night when you're tired and more likely to write something defensive or overly vague. Give yourself a few minutes to read it back once. If you find yourself adding apologies, hedges, or a second paragraph explaining yourself, cut it down.

If you're meeting someone soon or she's already made plans on the strength of your messages, tell her as early as you can, even if it's the day before. A message sent a week later, after she's blocked out time, lands much harder than one sent when you first knew. If she doesn't reply, you don't need to send a follow-up unless she messages you again, and if she does, you can keep it to one short line.