What to text when he says we're friends but we sleep together

Watch what he does, not only what he calls it. If he texts you first during the day, plans time that isn't about sex, asks about your week, and is comfortable being seen with you, the friend label may just be his way of keeping things low pressure. If he only reaches out late, only when he's free to see you, and goes quiet the moment you talk about anything more, the label is doing a lot of work for him. Neither version tells you what he wants long term, but together they tell you what he's currently willing to offer.

Also notice how you feel after you see him. If you walk away feeling chosen, the arrangement is working for you. If you walk away feeling vaguely disposable and then spend two days checking your phone, that is information about the arrangement, even if he's done nothing wrong by his own rules.

A reply that works here is one that describes what's happening in plain terms and leaves room for his answer. The shape is simple: you say what you've noticed, you say how it lands for you, and then you ask one open question about where he stands. A draft is on track when it sounds like a person checking in, not a person filing a complaint. It should leave out any ultimatum, any list of grievances, and any question that only has a painful yes or no. If your message would be hard to answer without sounding like you're breaking up or begging, rewrite it.

There is a second kind of reply that fits if you're not ready to have the full conversation over text. It acknowledges the label without agreeing to it and tells him you want to talk properly in person. Its job is to move the talk out of the late-night loop. It should be short and warm, and it should not contain a verdict on the relationship.

Pick a time when you're both sober, awake, and not in the middle of a plan to see each other. A message sent at 1am about the future tends to get a joke back, and then the moment passes. If you've sent a serious message and he's gone quiet for a day or two, that is an answer of sorts, but it's not yet a clear one. Give it a few days before you follow up, and then follow up once, lightly, without repeating the whole argument. Something like a check-in about something else entirely often gets the real conversation going better than a second serious message does.

If he replies with more of the same, the friend line and an invitation to come over, you have your answer about what he's offering right now. From there you can decide whether that's enough. If it isn't, stop sleeping together while you work out what you want, and say so plainly. Stopping is a real option and it doesn't need his agreement.