What to text when he's treating you like a backup option

When someone goes silent for weeks then texts like no time has passed, they're checking if you're still available. The sudden message isn't about missing you. It's a low-effort test. He knows you'll respond because you were waiting, even if you didn't admit it to yourself. That pattern, when it repeats, means he has other options he's prioritizing and you're the fallback. The fact that you answer his sporadic texts has trained him that he doesn't need to do more to keep you interested.

Your reply needs to do two jobs. First, state clearly that you see what's happening. Don't soften it with 'I feel like' or 'I'm not sure if'. Use direct language about the pattern. Second, draw a line about what you're willing to accept going forward. This isn't a negotiation or a therapy session. You're telling him what you need, and implicitly, that you'll move on if he doesn't step up. The boundary has to be something you'll actually enforce, or he'll know it's empty and you'll be right back where you started.

Timing matters. If you reply within minutes while you're fired up or sad, it reads as reactive and he'll dismiss it. Wait until you've actually decided you're willing to walk away. Then send it. That shift in your energy, the fact that you're not seeking reassurance, makes the message land differently. After you send it, do not follow up. No clarifying texts, no 'did you see that', no softening the message. If he responds with questions or tries to negotiate, you answer once, clearly, then stop. If he doesn't respond or comes back with empty promises, that's your answer about whether he's willing to change.