What to text a guy who broke up with you

After a breakup, you're sitting with unfinished business. Maybe he ended things without a real explanation. Maybe you said things you didn't mean, or you didn't say things you needed to. Maybe you just want him to know you're okay, or that you're not. The urge to text comes from a real place: you want some kind of resolution or acknowledgment that what you had mattered.

The problem is that this urge is usually strongest when you're still raw. That's when you're most likely to send something you'll regret. Before you text, ask yourself what you actually need from him. Do you need him to explain himself? Do you need to apologize? Do you need closure, or do you need him to fight for you? Be honest about which one it is, because your answer changes what you should say.

A good text to an ex does two things at once. First, it gets to the point fast. You have maybe two sentences to say why you're reaching out before he decides whether to care. Don't warm him up with small talk or hints. Tell him straight away if you want to talk about what happened, if you need to say something you didn't get to say, or if you're just checking in on how he's doing.

Second, it has to sound like you're in control of yourself. This doesn't mean pretending you're fine. It means showing that you've thought about what you want to say before you said it. No rambling. No asking him questions you don't actually need answered. No trying to make him feel guilty or prove your point. Write something you could read out loud to a friend without feeling embarrassed.

Wait at least a few days after the breakup, even if you're dying to text him. Your first draft will always be too much. Give yourself time to know what you actually want to communicate versus what you want him to feel.

Send your message once, during the day, when he's likely awake and can respond if he wants to. Then wait. If he doesn't reply in a week, accept that as your answer. A lot of exes don't respond to reach-out texts because they need distance too, or because they know responding will pull them backward. Don't follow up. Don't send another message. Don't text him from a different angle hoping for a different result. One message, one time, and then you move forward whether he replies or not.