What to say when she says you're trying a little too hard

Look at the last ten or fifteen messages before you reply. If you sent several long or multi-part messages in a row, or kept layering questions on top of each other, she likely felt she was being performed at rather than talked with. If the comment came right after a joke that didn't land, she may be pointing at the moment you pushed harder instead of letting it drop. Her wording matters too. A light tease with an emoji usually means she's comfortable and is nudging you. A flat, short reply after a long message suggests she's feeling a bit overwhelmed. Neither means the conversation is over, but it tells you what to change. The fix is almost always to send less, ask one simple question, and let her take the lead for a bit.

Your reply should show you heard her without treating the comment as a verdict. Keep it shorter than her message, or about the same length. Take the point with a bit of humour about yourself, not a defence of what you did. Then hand her something she can answer in a few words, like a question about her week or a plain observation about something she's into. The idea is to move from being impressive to being easy to talk to. If you find yourself wanting to add a second joke or a second question, stop after the first. The restraint is what tells her you're not trying hard anymore.

Send your reply at a normal time of day, not late at night when you're more likely to overthink it. If she responds warmly, match her pace and keep the next few exchanges light and unhurried. If she gives a short answer or nothing comes back, give it at least a day before you send anything else, and make that next message even more low-pressure, like a simple check-in about something you both mentioned earlier. If two gentle messages get no real reply, the conversation has likely run its course. Let it go without a final message explaining yourself. A clean stop reads better than a last attempt to be interesting.