What to say when she says she's been training for a triathlon all summer

When someone says they've been training all summer, they're explaining why they went quiet, why their weekends were gone, and what they've been thinking about instead of you. Most of the time it's a friendly disclosure, not a test. She wants you to know she has a life and a goal, and she's checking whether you're interested in it.

Read the details she gives you. Three weeks until the race means she's now in the tapering phase and probably sleeping well and a bit nervous. Five am swims mean she's disciplined and possibly tired. If she mentions the race distance, a sprint or a half Ironman, she's telling you how big the goal is. Use those details in your reply so she can tell you actually read the message.

Good replies in this situation are short and aimed at one detail. The most useful kind names the part you're curious about and asks her what it's like, such as what the early swims are like or what she thinks about on long rides. This kind of message gives her an easy way to talk about something she enjoys.

The second kind shares a small, true piece of your own life that connects. It doesn't need to be athletic. If you've ever trained for something, or sat through a big day you were nervous about, say so in a line and hand the conversation back to her. Keep your part small. The draft is working when it's about her effort and not about your record.

Leave out the generic compliment, any joke about her being extreme, and any advice about training or nutrition she didn't ask for. Those make the reply about your opinion of her hobby rather than her.

If she's in the middle of a training block, she may be replying from the gym or the pool, or she may be asleep early. Reply during the day or early evening, when a message like this fits a normal conversation. A long, thoughtful reply at 11pm after she's gone to bed will sit unread until morning and feel out of step.

If she doesn't answer for a day or two, that's normal. She may be doing a long ride or resting. Wait until after the race if you can, then ask how it went. That's a natural follow-up and it shows you were paying attention. If she's gone a week without replying after that, let it go. Don't send a second message asking whether she saw yours.