What to say when she gives her Instagram but not her number

Giving an Instagram handle usually means she is interested enough to keep talking but not interested enough to give you a direct line yet. Plenty of people use Instagram as their default social channel and treat it as the normal way to meet and chat. Others use it as a filter, a way to see whether you are real and consistent before they share anything more personal. Her account is the main clue. If she posts often and replies to comments, she probably uses DMs casually and will answer. If the account is mostly private, or she rarely posts, she may be keeping things separate on purpose.

Pay attention to how she gave the handle as well. A quick "it's @x, DM me" when she was leaving is a different signal from a warm "I'd rather talk on here, I'm bad at texting" said while you were still together. The first is logistics. The second is her telling you the channel she's comfortable with, which means you should take that channel seriously and not treat it as a holding pattern.

Your first message should pick up from the night you met, even if it's only a few words about it. Reference something real from the conversation, like the trip she mentioned or the argument about pizza, so it reads as you remembering her and not a cold outreach. Keep it short enough that she can answer in ten seconds. A reply that asks one easy thing to answer, or makes a small observation she can respond to, is far better than one that asks for a big decision.

Also avoid trying to fully reset the vibe in one go. If the night was flirty, you can stay a little flirty, but keep it light enough that a casual reply feels normal. The goal of the first DM is simply to show that the conversation is still going and that it's easy to keep going.

Give her a full day before you assume anything. Many people check Instagram DMs in batches, and a message can sit in requests for a while. If she hasn't replied after about 24 to 48 hours, one follow up is reasonable. Make it a fresh, light note that gives her an easy way back in, not a "hey just checking" message that signals you're waiting on her. Send it in the evening or during the day, not late at night, so it reads as normal activity.

If you get a short but friendly reply, match it and keep going at her pace. If you get nothing after a follow up, let it go for at least a few days before trying again, and never send more than one unanswered message in a row. Silence after two attempts is an answer. Stop there and move on, rather than trying a third channel or commenting on every new post she makes.