What to say when he says he's still hung up on someone else
How to respond when a guy admits he's not over an ex. Read what he's really saying and decide if you should engage or walk.
When someone tells you they're still hung up on an ex, they're usually not trying to hurt you. He's either testing the waters to see if you'll stick around anyway, or he's being honest about not being ready. Either way, you need to know what you're working with before you reply.
A good response doesn't pretend this is fine or push him to get over it faster. It acknowledges what he said, makes your own position clear without being harsh, and gives him room to either step up or fade out. The goal is to avoid months of half-hearted texting with someone whose head is somewhere else.
Your reply should feel like you heard him and you respect yourself enough not to compete with a ghost. That usually means deciding quickly whether this is a dealbreaker for you, and then saying so.
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Try for freeHe's testing if you'll accept being second priority
This message usually means he likes you enough to feel guilty about not being fully available, or he's testing whether you'll accept his divided attention. Sometimes it's both. The timing matters. If you've been flirting for a week, this is a reality check. If you've been texting for two months, it's either an apology or a confession that he's been stalling.
He's also giving you information. Take it at face value. People rarely say "I'm hung up on my ex" unless it's actually true. He might get over it in six weeks or six months, but right now, that's where his head is and you're not the primary focus. Don't decide you'll be the one who makes him forget her.
Set your boundary and make him choose
You're not here to fix him or prove you're different. Your job is to say what you need and then see if he can actually meet you there. A solid reply does two things. First, it signals that you heard what he said and you don't resent him for it. Second, it makes clear what you're willing to do next and what you're not.
You might say you need him to sort that out before things go further, or that you're not interested in being a backup plan. The words matter less than the fact that you're not leaving it vague. Vague is how you end up six months in, still the person he's "seeing," while his ex is still the person he's thinking about.
His response will tell you everything you need to know
Send your reply and then step back. If he says "you're right, I need to deal with this first" or "I'm working on it," you have something to work with. If he goes silent, tries to reframe it, or says something like "but I really like you," that's information too. Don't chase him after you've set a boundary. That erases what you just said.
If he doesn't reply within a day or two, that's your answer. He was hoping you'd accept the situation as is. Move on. If he replies and tries to convince you to date him anyway, be honest with yourself about whether that's what you want. Most people aren't ready after one conversation.
Why these replies fail
“That's okay! I don't mind waiting for you to get over her. We can go slow.”
You've just told him there's no cost to keeping you around while he sorts himself out, which means he won't.
“How long were you guys together? What happened? Do you still talk to her?”
You've switched into therapist mode and made his emotional process something you're invested in managing.
“Cool, well let me know when you're over it I guess”
You're being dismissive to cover hurt, and it invites him to prove you wrong by chasing you instead of dealing with his feelings.
Common mistakes
- Reassuring him you don't mind waiting, which signals you'll accept crumbs and teaches him he doesn't need to deal with his stuff
- Asking detailed questions about the ex, which makes him feel like you're invested in his healing journey
- Going quiet to punish him or test if he'll chase, which wastes time and leaves things unclear
- Matching his honesty with your own feelings before he's shown he's trying to move forward, which puts emotional weight on someone not ready to carry it
- Saying nothing and hoping he figures it out on his own, which he usually doesn't
Questions people ask
- Should I give him time to get over his ex before deciding if I'm interested?
- Not by texting with him in the meantime. If you want to leave the door open, you can say "let me know when you're ready to actually date" and then actually step away. Staying in contact while he processes will make you feel like the backup plan, which is what you'll be.
- What if he says he's getting over her but still talks about her constantly?
- That means he's not over her yet. Beliefs change, but behavior is what you're dating. If someone is still dwelling on an ex several weeks in, you're watching someone who isn't ready, no matter what he claims.
- Is it ever okay to date someone who just got out of a serious relationship?
- Yes, if they tell you upfront and aren't using you as a distraction. The difference is honesty and pace. If someone is clear about where they're at and doesn't expect you to wait, that's one thing. If they're vague or keep reassuring you they're fine, they're probably not.
- Should I tell him I have feelings for him in my response?
- Not in the same message where you're setting a boundary. Lead with what you need, not what you feel. If he proves he can actually move forward, you can be vulnerable later. Right now, holding steady is smarter than matching his honesty with your own.
What people say after using WingAI
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