What to say when he admits he's not over his ex

This usually means he's self-aware enough to notice he's not ready and wants to be honest about it. Or he's looking for permission to keep one foot out the door while you wait around. The confession itself doesn't tell you which one it is, but the timing and context do.

If this came up after a few weeks of real connection, especially if you pushed for clarity on where things were going, that's a good sign he's being honest. If it comes after he's been hot and cold, or after you asked about commitment, it might be a soft rejection wrapped in self-awareness. Either way, you need to know which version you're dealing with before you decide what to do.

A good reply does two jobs. First, it tells him you heard him and you take it seriously, not as drama but as real information. Second, it tells him what you're willing to do.

If you want to keep seeing him, say that directly, but make it conditional on him actually doing the work to move on. Don't volunteer to be patient while he heals. Don't ask him how he's feeling or what he needs. Just be straight about it. You're interested, but he needs to be actually available, not halfway available. If you want to stop, say that cleanly too.

Send your reply within a day. Waiting longer reads as hurt or anger even if you're just trying to think. But once you've sent it, stop. Let him respond and show you what he does with the boundary you just set.

If he doubles down on working through his stuff and asks you to stick around, that's actionable. If he goes quiet or tries to reframe it as a small thing, that's your answer. Don't follow up unless he disappears for more than a week. And if he does come back saying he's ready, watch his actions for the next month. People who are actually moving on from exes don't bring them up again.