What to Say When She Wants to Get to Know You First

The phrase "get to know you more first" tells you two things. She is still forming an impression of you, and she has a habit of not giving her number to people she has barely talked to. Plenty of people do this to avoid being messaged on their personal phone by someone they have not vetted, and some people use it as a softer way of saying they are not interested. The difference shows up in how she engages with what you send next. If she answers your questions with some length, asks you things back, and keeps the conversation going, she is open and simply cautious. If her replies are one or two words and she never asks you anything, the interest may not be there, and no amount of clever wording will change that.

So before you write anything, look at the thread. Count how many messages each of you has sent recently and how much effort each reply takes. If she is matching your energy, the message is a pace check and you should answer it like one. If she is fading, a warm reply that does not push is still the right move, but do not expect the number to come from this exchange.

She has told you what she wants, which is more time talking on the app. The most reassuring thing you can do is accept that without making it a negotiation. Show you agree that it makes sense to know someone a bit first, and then move straight into the conversation. People in this position are often wary of being pressured, so anything that sounds like you are trying to win an argument will make her more cautious. A short acknowledgement that you think that is a sensible way to do it works better than a speech about why you are trustworthy.

After that, put your attention on something she said earlier or something in her profile. Referring back to a specific detail tells her you have been reading her messages, which is the actual evidence she is looking for. Ask one open question that gives her something fun to answer, something she can talk about for a few messages instead of a yes or no.

Once you have replied and she has answered, keep the conversation going for a few more exchanges and let it develop on its own. Do not bring up the number again until she has asked you something personal or made a plan that would be easier to coordinate off the app. When she does offer something like that, the number becomes a practical step, and she will give it to you without feeling pushed. If the conversation has stalled, one more light message a day later is fine. After that, stop, because continuing to chase signals that the thread is about your need for a number rather than about talking to her.

If she stops replying entirely after your second or third message, take it as the answer. Someone who wanted to know you more would keep responding, even slowly. Silence after a pace question usually means she has moved on, and the respectful thing is to let it go without a follow-up that asks why.