What to say on Instagram to an optometrist who makes candles
Learn how to DM an optometrist who hand-pours candles. Show real interest in both sides of her life without sounding generic or like you're trying to sell something.
She's got two distinct things going on. Optometry is her career, steady and serious. Hand-poured candles are her creative outlet, which means she chose to build that on her own time. Most guys either ignore one side completely or treat the candle thing like a joke.
A good reply notices both without making it weird. You're not pretending to suddenly care about candle-making if you don't. You're showing you actually looked at her profile instead of just sending 'hey beautiful' to five girls at once.
The move is specific. Pick something real from what you see, ask a real question, and keep it short. She gets lots of messages. The ones that land are the ones that took 15 seconds to read, not 15 minutes.
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The optometrist and candle combo signals two different people
An optometrist has structure, credentials, and a real job. The candle side is the part of her that wanted to build something on her own terms without waiting for anyone else's permission. Most guys see the candles and think hobby. What she's actually showing is that she does things. She doesn't just talk about side projects.
This matters because your reply needs to land somewhere in the middle. If you ignore the optometry side, you look like you're only interested in whatever she sells. If you only talk to her about her job, you're treating the candles like they don't count. They do. She made time for them. Your reply should make it clear you noticed both are real to her.
The reply needs to show you actually looked, then ask something she can answer
The move has two parts. First, mention something specific. Not 'I love your candles' or 'that's cool you're an optometrist.' Specific means you reference an actual detail. Maybe it's a scent she posted about. Maybe it's something on her profile that connects the two sides.
Second, ask a question that she can answer without writing a novel. You want to open a conversation, not put her on the spot. The question should be real because you actually want to know, not because you're trying to seem interested. If you don't care about why she chose that scent or what her process is, don't ask. Ask something you'd actually want to know if she was a friend.
Send it once, wait three days, then read the silence differently
Send your message when you see her post. Don't send it at 2am. She'll see it either way, but you want to be awake if she replies fast.
If she doesn't reply in three days, the answer is no. Not 'maybe later.' Not 'she's busy.' No. Move on. If she was interested, she would have written back. You don't need to send a follow-up or a meme or anything else. That just makes it worse. If you get a reply but it's very short and doesn't ask you anything, she's being polite. Don't interpret that as an opening to keep messaging.
Why these replies fail
“your candles look amazing, do you sell them?”
Treats her like a business opportunity instead of a person. Sounds like every other random asking about her side hustle.
“between staring at eyes all day and candles all night, when do you sleep lol”
The eye strain joke is lazy and obvious. She's heard this exact thing multiple times before.
“optometrist by day, candle maker by night, you're living the dream”
Generic cheerleading. Doesn't ask anything or say anything real. She gets messages like this constantly.
Common mistakes
- Asking 'do you make those candles yourself?' when it's already clear she does. Makes her think you didn't actually look.
- Going all in on the candle business angle like you're suddenly a customer. Feels transactional and desperate.
- Making a joke about eye strain from staring at candles. It's the first thing every guy thinks of and she's heard it.
- Asking 'what got you into making candles?' as your opener. Too broad and too much like an interview.
- Mentioning only the candles and ignoring her job. Signals you didn't really look at her profile at all.
Questions people ask
- Should I ask her about her candle-making process or about her work as an optometrist?
- Pick whichever one feels more natural based on what's actually visible on her profile. If she posts more about candles, go there. If her work is what's most prominent, that's fine too. The point is asking something she can answer without overthinking it. A question about her favorite scent beats a question about her entire business plan.
- Is it weird to mention both her job and her candle side in one message?
- No. It actually shows you paid attention instead of just scanning one thing. Keep it natural though. Don't force it. If you're mentioning both, it should be because they actually connect in what you're asking, not because you're trying to prove you looked at her whole profile.
- What if I actually don't care about candles or optometry?
- Then start somewhere else. Send the message because you find her interesting, not because you're trying to hit all the boxes. If you can't find a real reason to reach out beyond what's on her profile, the message probably won't land anyway. Real interest reads different from checking boxes.
- How long should my first message be?
- Three or four sentences max. Long enough to show you thought for five seconds. Short enough that she doesn't need to scroll. She's on Instagram, not reading an email. Keep it under 60 words if you can.
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