What to say on Instagram DMs to a girl who is a sommelier and loves wine tasting weekends
How to open and follow up on Instagram DMs with a sommelier who loves wine tasting weekends, without sounding like you copied her bio.
She is a sommelier and she spends her weekends tasting wine. That means her profile is full of the thing she knows best, and most men will either ignore it or try to show off that they also know wine. Both fail. The first says nothing, and the second reads as a test she has to grade.
What a good first message does is show you noticed something specific and are curious about it, without pretending to be an expert. You are not trying to impress her with vocabulary. You are trying to give her an easy, low-pressure thing to answer, the kind of question someone who loves her work would enjoy explaining.
A good reply after that keeps the conversation moving toward something real, like a plan, a shared place, or a question about her life outside wine. The wine is the way in, not the whole conversation.
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Her bio tells you what she does. Her stories tell you what she actually enjoys on a Saturday. A bio line like 'sommelier' is a label that a hundred other people also use, so you learn very little from it. A photo of a half-finished glass, a handwritten tasting note, or a caption about a weekend trip tells you what she is paying attention to right now. Build your opener from that.
Also notice what she posts that has nothing to do with wine. If her dog shows up in every third story, that is a second opening that is safer and often more fun. Wine is her job and probably also her hobby, so a message that treats her as a person with a dog and a favorite market will land better than one that treats her as an authority on grapes.
Ask about the moment, not the knowledge
When you ask her about something she posted, aim the question at the experience rather than the expertise. Ask what the tasting was like, who she went with, or what surprised her about the one bottle that stood out. Those questions are easy to answer in a sentence or two and they invite her to talk about herself. Questions that test what she knows, like asking which vintage something was, make her feel like she is in an interview.
Keep the question open enough that a friendly reply works, but specific enough that she can tell you read the post. A question that could have been sent to any sommelier on Instagram is wasted.
Let the plan carry the second message
If she answers your first message warmly, the next useful step is to move from wine talk to something you could actually do together, but do it lightly. The shape of a good second message is: acknowledge what she said, add one small thing about yourself that is not about wine, and suggest a loose option like a walk, a coffee, or a casual place nearby, with an easy way out. Do not map out a full evening in writing. Keep the plan small enough that saying yes costs her almost nothing.
If the conversation stays on wine for several exchanges and never moves toward you, that is a signal she is comfortable there but not yet curious about you. Ask her one question about her life that has no connection to wine and see whether she picks it up.
Why these replies fail
“Saw your tasting story, I'm also a big Burgundy guy, what did you think of the Chablis?”
It turns her story into a comparison of credentials and asks her to rank a bottle, which makes the exchange feel like a test.
“Hey, you seem really cool, would love to take you for a drink sometime!”
It says nothing about her specifically and asks for a date before any real conversation has happened.
“Can you recommend a good natural wine under $20?”
It is a request for a list that she will answer in one message, and then there is nothing left to talk about.
Common mistakes
- Quoting wine facts back at her, like naming a grape or region from her story, which makes it sound like you are trying to prove something.
- Asking for a wine recommendation as the whole message, which hands her a homework task and ends the conversation when she sends a list.
- Going straight to 'would you like to get a drink sometime' before she has said anything back to you.
- Sending a long paragraph about your own wine knowledge or your favorite bottle, which turns the thread into your monologue.
- Double messaging within the same hour when she has not replied, which reads as anxious rather than interested.
Questions people ask
- Should I mention that I know a little about wine?
- Only if it comes up naturally and only in a sentence. Saying 'I know a bit about wine' once is fine. Listing your bottles, regions, or favorite producers is not. She already knows far more than you do, and a long display of knowledge reads as a way to compete with her rather than get to know her. Keep the focus on what she is doing and what you are curious about.
- How long should I wait if she doesn't reply to my first message?
- Wait at least two or three days before any follow-up, and make the follow-up light. Sommeliers often work evenings and weekends, so a quiet stretch is normal. If you do follow up, reference something new from her account rather than repeating the first message. If there is still no answer after one follow-up, let it go and move on.
- Is it okay to ask her out in the first few messages?
- It is better to wait until she has replied to at least two or three messages with real content. Asking too early can feel like you are treating the DM as a dating app swipe. Once you have a back-and-forth going, a small, specific suggestion works much better than a general request for a drink.
- What if she only ever talks about wine?
- That usually means she is comfortable there and has not yet decided what to make of you. Try one question about her life outside work, such as where she grew up, what she does on a free day, or what she is cooking this week. If she engages with that, you are making progress. If she keeps steering back to wine every time, she may just want a conversation about her field, and that is worth knowing.
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