What to say when she makes jokes about your appearance

A lot of people use humor as a way to poke at someone they're interested in. Sometimes it's flirting gone wrong. Sometimes she thinks you're comfortable with that kind of banter because you've rolled with other jokes. You're not comfortable, and she needs to know that now, not three weeks in when you're resentful.

If she keeps going after you've pushed back once, that tells you something different about her character. But most people will actually dial it back if you handle it right the first time. She just needs a clear signal that this particular joke landed differently than she intended.

Your reply needs to do two moves. First, name that the comment bothered you, but do it in a way that doesn't sound angry or hurt. Second, make it easy for her to recover by keeping the tone light enough that she doesn't feel attacked. The worst thing you can do is act like she murdered someone, which makes her defensive and less likely to actually adjust.

This usually means a brief, direct response that touches the thing she said, adds a small reason why it didn't land, and then moves on. Don't litigate it. Don't ask her why she said it. Just set the boundary and let her choose what comes next.

Reply the same day if you can, while the conversation is still active. A delayed response makes it feel heavier and more like a real conflict. You want this to feel like a casual correction, not a complaint that's been building.

After you reply, give her one or two turns to respond naturally. If she makes a joke about it, keeps the vibe going, or moves to a new topic, she got the message. If she keeps making comments about your appearance or doubles down, you have your answer about whether she respects your boundaries. That's when you know this probably isn't going anywhere.