What to do if they're seeing other people during the talking stage
They said they're seeing other people early on? Here's how to read it, how to reply without sounding bitter, and whether it's still worth your time.
When someone in the talking stage says they're going out with other people, they're usually just being upfront about pace. Most people at this stage haven't agreed to anything, and saying so early is often the decent thing to do. Take it as information about where things stand. It's not a verdict on you.
A good reply does two things. It answers what she told you in a sentence or two, and it makes your position clear. Then it leaves the door open so she can decide what she wants. A reply that hides how you feel tends to cause problems later, when one of you gets attached and the other has no idea why.
You don't need to compete with the other people or match her schedule. Figure out whether you can be one of several for now, then say that plainly.
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Count the dates she mentions before reading into it
Mostly, these messages are about pace. If she says she's on a few dates this week, she's probably meeting people at about your speed. The detail matters, though. Going out with a couple of people casually is one thing. "I've got a second date Thursday with someone I really like" is another. The second version means she's already invested somewhere else, and you should take that at face value.
Watch what she does next. If she asks about your week after mentioning it, she's probably fine with how things are. If she goes quiet, she might be checking how you react. Either way she's asking where you stand, and hedging is what most people get wrong here.
Answer where you stand before you ask about her
Start with what she actually told you. She shared something about her dating life, so acknowledge it in a sentence without treating it like news or a problem. Then state your position in one clear line. Maybe you want to keep things open, or maybe you want her to be the only one. Keep it short enough that it reads as a fact about you, not a request for her to change.
Next, give her a way back in. Ask about something in her life that has nothing to do with the other people, ideally something she mentioned earlier, like a show she liked or a place she wanted to try. It tells her you still find her interesting. That counts for more with her than hearing about your dating schedule.
Send one follow up, then let the silence answer
Reply during the day, in the window she usually texts in, so it doesn't look like you've been stewing. Don't reply within seconds either. That reads as more anxious than you want to come across. If she usually answers within a few hours, a gap of six to ten hours is normal. If her reply is warm, match that pace.
If there's no reply after a day, send one short follow up that's easy to answer, like a question about something she had planned. Skip asking whether she got your last text, and leave the other people out of it. If she still doesn't answer, that's your answer. Stop chasing. A talking stage that goes cold this fast was unlikely to turn into anything steady anyway.
Why these replies fail
“Oh cool, so who are these other guys? Lol just curious”
Asking for names turns this into an interrogation. It also makes you sound like you're keeping score.
“No worries at all! Totally fine, I'm not into anything serious either haha”
It hides what you actually want and sets you up to resent her later.
“Wow, ok. Guess I'll stop wasting my time then.”
It's an ultimatum wearing a hurt face. It leaves the conversation on your worst moment.
Common mistakes
- Asking for names or details about the other people. That turns the chat into a comparison.
- Saying it's totally fine when it isn't, then going quiet or getting clingy a week later
- Sending a cold, short reply to test how she takes it
- Telling her to stop seeing anyone before you've talked about what either of you wants
Questions people ask
- Is it bad that she's seeing other people this early?
- No. In the talking stage, seeing other people is the default unless you've both agreed otherwise. Her telling you is a sign she's being direct. What matters is whether she still makes time for you and whether you've talked about what each of you wants. If you're not okay with that, say so early, before you get invested.
- Should I ask who she's going out with?
- Usually not. Names and details tend to turn the chat into a comparison, and they put her in the position of defending her choices. If she volunteers details, listen and respond to the parts that matter to you. Ask about her plans in general terms and keep the focus on how the two of you are getting along.
- How long should I wait before deciding if I'm out?
- Give it a couple of weeks of steady contact. If she's still making plans and asking about you, the other dates may just be how she's getting to know people. If replies slow to a crawl and she stops suggesting things, you have your answer. Don't wait months hoping it changes.
- Can I ask her to stop seeing other people?
- You can say what you want, but asking her to stop is a commitment question, so only ask if you're ready for the answer. Early on, most people won't agree to exclusivity just because you asked. Say what you want plainly and ask where she stands. If she says she's not ready, figure out whether you can wait or whether you should move on.
What people say after using WingAI
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