If she still wants to be friends with her ex, how to reply

She isn't necessarily asking for permission or telling you she's over him. The detail she picks matters. If she mentions him in passing, like a shared trivia night or a friend's birthday, that's logistics. If she describes what they talk about, how often they hang out, or defends the friendship when you never pushed, she's probably anticipating how it looks to you. Notice whether she brings him up first or only when you ask. Someone who has settled it usually talks about him in past tense and moves on quickly. Someone still sorting it out tends to hedge, over explain, or circle back. That hedging is information you can use without asking her to explain herself.

Your reply shouldn't take a side on whether she should be friends with him. If you call it healthy, you sound like you're signing off on something you have no say in. If you call it weird, she has to defend her choices, and she'll either get prickly or stop sharing. Instead, acknowledge what she told you without grading it, then move the focus back to her and to the two of you. Refer to one specific thing she said, like the plan they made or how busy her week has been, so she knows you actually listened. Then ask about something in her life that isn't him. Keep it short enough that she doesn't feel she has to write an essay back.

Replying within a few hours is normal for texting. If she sent something a bit personal or unusual, wait until the next day so you don't look like you were waiting to pounce. If she doesn't answer, give it two to three days before anything else. Your follow-up should be lighter than the first message, maybe a question about her weekend or a plan you could make. Don't circle back to the ex topic. If she replies short or changes the subject, match her energy and let it go. If two attempts get no response or only flat replies, stop. Her not engaging is an answer, and pressing the subject makes you look like the one who needs the ex out of the picture.