What to do when he complains about women but flirts with them online
He criticizes other women but likes their photos and comments on their posts. Here's how to respond without playing along.
This usually happens for one of two reasons. He's testing whether you'll accept hypocritical behavior, or he's not that interested and keeping his options open. The complaining makes him sound discerning and gets you invested in being different from other women. The social media flirting is what actually matters.
A good reply doesn't ignore the contradiction or attack it head on. Instead, it shows you see the pattern and won't compete with it or play into it. You're making clear that you have standards for how someone treats you, and this isn't meeting them.
Get replies that sound like you
Screenshot the conversation in WingAI. It reads the vibe and gives you natural replies for this exact situation.
Try for freeThe gap between what he says and what he does
Pay attention to the action, not the words. He can complain about women being fake all day, but if he's actively engaging with that content, he's fine with it. The complaining is theater. It makes him feel smart or gives him a reason to bond with you over shared judgment of other people.
When someone says you're different, they usually mean you haven't called them out yet. Once you do, the complaint pattern often flips. He'll either get defensive or suddenly find reasons why you're not different after all. The safest assumption is that he's not actually looking for someone different. He's looking for someone who won't ask questions.
Show you see the pattern without making it a fight
Your reply needs to do two things at once. Acknowledge what he said without validating his logic, and signal that you're not interested in being sorted into a 'different' category while he behaves however he wants.
The move is to respond in a way that's light but firm. You can reference the gap between his words and his actions without sounding angry or paranoid. You're not accusing him. You're just not pretending you didn't notice. This shifts the energy from him testing your boundaries to him realizing you have them.
Send it soon, then give him space to course correct
Don't wait days to respond. That makes it seem like you've been thinking about it too hard. Reply within a few hours, keep it short, and then actually step back. Don't add explanations or soften it with emojis to make it seem less pointed.
If he responds by getting defensive, making jokes, or changing the subject, you have your answer about whether he respects your limits. If he actually recalibrates his behavior, that's when you know the message landed. But don't hang around waiting for the recalibration. If he doesn't respond or keeps doing the same thing, that's information too. You don't need him to admit he was wrong. You just need to know whether he'll stop.
Why these replies fail
“lol okay but didn't you just like three of her photos yesterday? seems like you like 'fake' girls just fine”
You're monitoring his activity and calling him out directly, which makes you look obsessed and gives him the upper hand by playing victim.
“thanks, i appreciate that. i guess i just try to be real and not worry about what other people think”
You accepted the compliment and now you're trying to prove you're the good version of what he complained about. You've joined his frame.
“that's sweet but honestly i'm not really looking to be put on a pedestal or compared to other girls. it makes me uncomfortable”
It's too much explanation and sounds like you're hurt. You're giving him a problem to solve instead of just showing you won't play along.
Common mistakes
- Pointing out the contradiction directly ('but you literally just commented...'). This makes you look insecure and like you're monitoring him.
- Accepting the 'you're different' compliment as real. It's a way to keep you comfortable while he does what he wants.
- Explaining why you're different or trying to prove it. This plays into his frame.
- Staying silent or playing along. Silence reads as acceptance of the double standard.
- Getting competitive with the other women. That's exactly the reaction he's trying to trigger.
Questions people ask
- Is he actually interested in me if he's doing this?
- Probably not at the level you want. He may be interested enough to keep you around while he figures things out, but the pattern of complaining plus flirting suggests he's keeping options open and testing your tolerance. Real interest usually doesn't come with a performance.
- Should I ask him directly why he complains but flirts anyway?
- Not unless you want a defensive explanation. He'll either claim he was just being friendly or that you're misinterpreting. A direct question hands him a chance to justify it. Your reply should make the point without asking him to explain himself.
- What if he says I'm being insecure by noticing?
- That's a deflection. Noticing a contradiction is not insecurity. It's observation. Don't defend your observation or explain why you're not insecure. Just note that he's not addressing the actual point and decide if you want to keep talking to someone who does that.
- How do I know if I should keep texting him after my reply?
- Wait for his response. If he gets defensive, jokes it away, or doesn't engage seriously, that tells you whether he respects your boundary. You don't need a long conversation about it. One exchange is usually enough to know if he's capable of adjusting or if he'll just keep testing you.
What people say after using WingAI
“Didn't think it would be this good. The funny options actually get responses, which is wild.”
Nico_dang
“Used it for a couple hours and set up a date the same night. Not even kidding.”
Nikola2214
“I overthink every text. Having three options and picking the one that sounds like me cut that spiral short.”
Sam R.
Get replies that sound like you
Screenshot the conversation in WingAI. It reads the vibe and gives you natural replies for this exact situation.
Try for free