What to ask when she says she's complicated and has baggage

The word complicated is doing a lot of work and carries very little information on purpose. When someone names the category but not the content, she is controlling the pace of disclosure. That is a reasonable thing to do, especially on an app where you have known her for two days. Read the vagueness as a boundary and you will respond better than if you read it as a mystery to solve.

Pay attention to what she says around the label. If she adds that she's working on things, or that she's been out of a long relationship, she is giving you the outline without the details. If she adds that she doesn't want to talk about it yet, she is telling you directly. Either way the useful question is whether she is inviting you to go deeper later or closing the topic for now. The message itself rarely settles that, so the next reply has to leave room for either.

The first job of your reply is to receive what she said. A short acknowledgement that you heard it, with no judgment attached, does more than any follow-up question. Something that says you appreciate her being upfront tells her the disclosure landed somewhere safe.

The second job is to keep your curiosity from becoming a demand. Curiosity is fine. Asking what happened is a request for a story she has not offered. Keep questions about the present or the future, like what she's enjoying lately or what kind of pace feels right to her, and leave the past alone until she brings it up. The third job is to keep talking about you both as people. If the conversation becomes entirely about her baggage, she will feel like she is being assessed.

Disclosures like this often sit with the other person for a while, and a slow reply is not a verdict. Wait a reasonable interval before you follow up, usually a day or two in an active match, longer if you have only exchanged a few messages. Sending a second message within an hour makes the first one look like it needed a rescue.

If she doesn't reply, send one short, low-pressure message at most, with no reference to the disclosure. Something light that shows you're still around is enough. If she still doesn't respond, let it go. Stopping after one follow-up is the respectful move, and it means you never have to find out whether the baggage was the reason. If she does come back and offers more, match her pace rather than matching the intensity of what she shared.