We've been dating but he won't commit: what to say

When he won't commit after months of seeing each other, the vagueness itself is the information. Someone who wants to be exclusive but is nervous will usually say something like 'I like where this is going' or 'I'm just not ready to label things.' Someone who isn't interested in exclusivity will tend to deflect, make it about timing, or keep things fun and light whenever it gets close to the topic. Watch which pattern you're getting. If he responds to direct questions with warmth but no movement, that often means he's uncertain. If he responds by changing the subject every time, that usually means he has already decided and doesn't want to say it.

Look at his actions around the same question. Does he still plan dates, introduce you to friends, or talk about the future in small ways? Or does his effort only show up when things are easy and never when you ask for more? The gap between what he says and what he does is usually more useful than either alone.

The reply needs to do three things. First, name what you've been doing. You've been seeing each other consistently, and that's not nothing. Second, ask the real question in plain words: are you seeing other people, and are you looking for something exclusive. Third, say what you want without making his answer the price of keeping you around. For example, make it clear that you want to know, and that a not-yet is an acceptable answer as long as it comes with some honesty about timing.

What the reply should not do is attach a threat or an ultimatum on the first ask. Saying you need an answer by Friday turns a conversation into a deadline. Keep it open and specific, so he can answer honestly without feeling trapped.

Send the message at a reasonable time in the day, not late at night when it can read as an emotional text. Earlier in the day, when you're not waiting on him in a heated moment, tends to produce a calmer reply. Give him a couple of days before you follow up, unless he has already said he'll get back to you on a specific day.

If he answers warmly but without committing, say something like 'Okay, thanks for being honest, let's talk about it again soon' and watch what happens next. If he goes quiet for more than a week after a clear question, treat that as an answer. If he avoids the topic again when you see him in person, you can say once, calmly, that you'd like to know where you stand and that you need that to decide how much to keep investing. Then, if he still won't move, stop waiting.