She suggested hanging out then cancelled twice: what to do

The first thing to figure out is whether her cancellations look like life or like avoidance. Life looks like a reason that is specific, a tone that sounds sorry and a rescheduling offer that comes without much prompting. Avoidance looks like vague reasons, late cancellations and no follow-up. Her second message in the example above is a good sign, since she named a real problem and offered a new time. A cancel with no new suggestion is weaker evidence.

You also have to account for how she started the plan. If she proposed it, a second cancel costs her something to do, which suggests she still wants to see you. If you kept proposing and she agreed reluctantly, the cancellations are more likely a polite way of backing out. Look at who has been doing the initiating across the whole conversation, not just the last few messages.

A good reply does three things. It acknowledges the cancellation in a sentence without commenting on the pattern. It signals that the plan still matters to you, in a way that is not heavier than what she offered. And it makes the next step easy for her, either by suggesting a rough window or by telling her to pick. Keep the energy close to what you would have brought to the original plan.

Avoid anything that makes her defend herself. A reply that asks what happened or notes that you have been flexible puts her in the position of justifying the cancellation rather than deciding whether to reschedule. The reply should make it about the next time, not the last two times.

Reply within a few hours of her cancellation, during the day, not late at night when a message can read as either wounded or too eager. Give the reply room. If she has not offered a new date within about four or five days, send one short message that proposes something concrete and specific, such as a day and rough time. If she agrees, the plan is back on. If she replies vaguely or with a warm but noncommittal message, let the next move be hers.

If there is still no real plan after one more attempt, stop initiating. Do not send a passive-aggressive last message or a long goodbye. Stay friendly if she messages you, and let the conversation fade on its own terms. Two failed attempts at a plan, followed by no new initiative from her, is usually the answer.