What are three signs that my ex secretly wants me back?

A casual message that arrives a few weeks or months after a split is rarely a verdict. Look at what she actually did. Did she start the conversation, or did she react to something you posted? Did she ask about your life in a specific way, like remembering a job interview or a trip you mentioned, or did she only comment on a photo? Specific recall means she was paying attention. Generic friendliness means she is being polite or testing the water. Pay attention too to whether the conversation has a next step built in. A question that needs an answer gives you a reason to keep talking. A closed remark that ends the thread tells you she is not ready to go further, even if she isn't ruling it out.

Also notice timing and rhythm. If she messages late at night after a rough day, that is a loneliness signal, not a reconciliation signal. If she reaches out and then does not respond to a perfectly fine reply, she may be gauging how you feel, not signaling interest.

A reply that fits this situation does one of three jobs. The first is answering warmly and handing the thread back to her, which means responding to what she said and ending on a light point she can pick up or drop. The second is sharing something real about your week, enough to show you have a life, but not so much that it reads as a performance. The third is taking the conversation somewhere neutral, like a shared friend, a place you both know, or a plan that is clearly casual and easy to decline.

You can tell a draft is working when it would still make sense if she never wanted anything more from you. It should not ask for a clarification about her feelings, it should not reference the relationship as a thing you are both trying to fix, and it should not offer a bigger commitment than she offered. Strip out any line that is there to test her reaction. If the reply only makes sense because you are hoping for a specific answer, cut it.

Send your reply at a normal hour, ideally within a few hours of her message, not immediately and not the next morning if she sent it at noon. Responding at 2am after a rush of feeling looks like need, and waiting two days looks like a game even if you didn't mean it that way.

If she replies warmly, match her energy and let the conversation run for a bit. If she goes quiet after your reply, leave it alone for at least four or five days before doing anything else. A single follow-up is fine if it is light and gives her an easy exit, such as a photo of something funny from your week. After that, stop. If she does not come back, the signal was about her curiosity or her mood, not about you, and the most useful thing you can do is let the thread end where it ended.