Should you text first if he hasn't messaged you

Four days is exactly the length of time a guy might wait because he thinks you're waiting, or because work exploded, or because he's unsure where you stand. It's enough to feel cold but not enough to be a permanent answer. The silence does not mean you're bothering him by texting. It means you're the one who gets to reset the tone.

What matters is whether he was engaged when you were in contact. Did he ask questions? Did he suggest a second date? Was the date actually good? If yes to those, four days is just a gap, not a rejection. Treat it that way.

Do not mention the silence. Do not ask why he went quiet. Do not send something that requires him to explain himself or apologize. Instead, find a real reason to text him. A song you heard that matched something he said. A place you went that reminded you of him. A funny thing that happened. Something that shows you were actually listening and thinking about him, not just waiting for him to text back.

The message should assume he's still interested and move the conversation somewhere new. This does two things at once. It gives him a clean way to re-engage without awkwardness. It shows you're not sitting around waiting for his attention.

Send it when he's likely awake and not in a meeting. Afternoon works better than morning because it's not needy. Then step back. Do not send another text. Do not check his Snapchat to see if he's active.

If he replies within a day or two, you're back on track. If it takes him three days to respond to a low-pressure text, he's choosing to move slowly or he's not that interested. At that point, you can send one more casual message down the line, but do not keep texting into silence. After two texts with minimal response, he has shown you his speed.