How to message someone after a long silence and actually get a reply

If it's been weeks or months since you two last talked, that gap means something. Either he lost interest, he's assuming you're not interested, he's dealing with his own stuff, or he's the type who doesn't maintain friendships unless someone keeps pushing. None of those are mysteries you solve with a message. A casual reach-out can work. Go in knowing it's a test, not a rescue mission.

If he replies quickly and warmly, he was probably waiting for you or happy to hear from you. If he replies slowly or keeps it short, the silence was probably real. If he doesn't reply at all, the silence was definitive. Don't interpret a slow reply as a challenge to chase harder.

The biggest mistake is sending something so generic that it could go to anyone. 'Hey stranger' or 'how have you been' requires him to manufacture a reason to care about replying. He won't. Instead, reference something specific between you two. Something you saw that reminded you of him. A plan you made. An inside joke. A real reason you're thinking of him right now, not just that you felt lonely.

Then ask something that's easy to answer but requires him to actually engage. Not 'are you alive' but 'did you end up doing that thing.' This does two jobs at once. It proves you're thinking of him specifically, and it gives him a natural next reply instead of making him guess what you want.

Send your message at a normal time, not late at night. Then wait. Three days is the real test, not three hours. People are busy, they miss notifications, or they need time to think about whether they want to re-engage. Sending a second message after a few hours reads as anxious and makes him less likely to reply to the first one.

If he hasn't replied after three days, he's probably not going to. At that point, move on. Don't send a follow-up. Don't send a different version of the same message. The lack of reply is the reply. You got your answer.