Should you ask for a second date if they talked mostly about themselves?

One long story about their job doesn't tell you much. What tells you more is whether they showed any curiosity at all. Did they ask a follow-up question, even a small one? Did they seem to notice when you laughed or when you went quiet? Did they say anything to suggest they wanted to know you, like remembering a detail you mentioned?

If they talked about themselves but also seemed warm, laughed at your jokes, and walked you to the train, that's a different signal than someone who checked their phone and never looked at you. Nerves often look like rapid self-disclosure. Indifference usually looks like long pauses and no return questions.

Also notice how you felt. If you left energized and curious about them, the talking may have been a bit much but the connection was there. If you left drained and a little invisible, that counts too, and you're allowed to weigh it.

The ask should be specific enough that they can say yes without having to think about it. Name a day or a rough window, a place or a type of activity, and make it about the two of you doing something, not about figuring out whether you're compatible. A coffee on Thursday after work or a walk along the canal on Sunday afternoon gives them something concrete to accept.

Keep the message short and warm. Mention one thing you actually liked from the first date if you really did, but don't use it to hint that they should listen more. Don't apologize for asking, and don't explain why you're asking. The offer itself carries the interest.

If you want the second date to go differently, you can set that up in the ask by suggesting a format with more back-and-forth, like a cooking class, a bookstore wander, or a show where you're both reacting to something. That shifts the balance without making a point of it.

After you send the ask, give it a reasonable window before you read anything into the reply. Most people take a day or two to answer, sometimes longer on a busy week. A reply the same day or the next morning is a good sign. No reply after three or four days is usually a no, even if they never say it.

If they haven't answered after about four days, send one short follow-up that's easy to answer, something like a quick note asking if the weekend works. Then stop. A second follow-up reads as pressure, and it makes the silence harder to interpret kindly for either of you.

If they answer and suggest a different day or format, take it at face value and say yes or propose a time. If they answer with something vague like 'maybe, let's see,' that's a soft no. Don't push for a firm date. Let it end there and move on.