Reply when she only plans around her schedule, not yours

Someone who's actually swamped still makes it clear they want to see you. They apologize for the delay. They suggest a specific future time instead of leaving it open. Someone who only initiates when it's convenient for them never does this. They text you at 9pm on a Tuesday asking if you can meet right now, or they vanish for two weeks then message asking if you're free this weekend. You never get a heads-up. You never get asked. It's always reactive on their end and reactive but desperate on yours.

The pattern matters more than any single message. If this is the third or fourth time she's reached out only when she had a gap in her schedule, you're not dealing with bad timing. You're dealing with someone who hasn't put you on her calendar as a priority.

Your reply needs to be matter-of-fact. You state your availability, you don't bend it, and you leave the ball in her court without drama. This isn't about teaching her a lesson or getting even. It's about stopping the cycle where you're the one adapting. If she asks if you're free Thursday or Friday and you're not, you say that and mention one time that actually works for you. If she's really interested, she'll make it happen. If she disappears or comes back with another ask-on-her-terms message three weeks later, you have your answer.

The tone should be light and normal, like you're someone who has a life and commitments, not someone scorned. This actually makes her more likely to step up because she sees you're not desperate and not angry either.

If you reply with your actual availability and she doesn't move toward it, wait five to seven days. If she comes back with another same-day or convenience-based request instead of meeting you halfway on timing, that's your signal to stop. You can reply one more time with a clear no if it's really bad timing, but after that, let her reach out again. Don't chase. Don't send a follow-up asking if she still wants to hang. The absence of effort from her is the message.

If she does meet you partway on scheduling, that's progress. If she goes back to the old pattern after one good time, the cycle is just more entrenched and you're better off moving on. You're looking for someone who starts adjusting their schedule around you, not someone who expects you to keep adjusting around them indefinitely.