Respond when she says something that hurts you

The comment could be a bad joke, an observation she thought was light, or something that reveals how she actually sees you. Your job right now is not to decide which one it is. Read the pattern. Is this the first time or part of a trend? Does she usually make comments like this about other people too, or is it specifically about you?

One careless comment from someone new is not the same as a pattern. If this is the first time, assume she didn't mean it to land the way it did. That doesn't mean you ignore it. It means you give her information about the impact and see how she handles it. Her response tells you everything about whether this is worth continuing.

Your reply should be specific and simple. Don't interpret her motives or generalize. Just say what she said and what it made you feel. The move is to hand her the exact thing that stung without drama attached. Something like 'That comment about me being tired made me feel like you already decided I'm not worth the effort' or 'When you said that, it felt like you were making fun of something I'm actually insecure about.'

This works because it's not an attack. You're not saying she's mean or that she hates you. You're saying her words had an effect on you. Most people respond better to that than to anger or silence. She gets to know exactly what went wrong instead of guessing.

Reply within the same day while the comment is still fresh. Don't text her three days later about something she probably forgot. Send it while there's momentum. If she doesn't respond or deflects with humor, don't push. You've said what needed saying. If she ignores it completely, that's information too.

Watch what happens next. Does she ask about it? Does she make a similar comment again? If she keeps doing it after you've told her it bothers you, that's a sign she either doesn't care or isn't capable of adjusting. That's when you decide if this is someone worth your time. But you have to give her one real chance to respond first.