He would if he wanted to, why this mindset matters

When you say 'he would if he wanted to because when I wanted to I did,' you're comparing two effort levels. You're right about the comparison. The diagnosis is straightforward: his actions show his current interest or capacity is lower than what you need. But here's what matters to diagnose correctly. You're not looking for hidden signs that he does care. You're not waiting for him to prove you wrong. You're collecting information about whether this person is moving toward you or away from you, and whether you're willing to accept that pace. The hard part isn't understanding what his inaction means. It's accepting that you already know and acting on it instead of hoping.

A good reply has two jobs. First, it sets a boundary without accusing him of wrongdoing. You're not saying he's lazy or doesn't care. You're saying what you need and what you're willing to do. Second, it gets you out of the waiting game. This means you state what happens next in a way that doesn't depend on his response. You're not asking for another chance or for him to explain himself. You're closing a loop and stepping back. A draft works when you read it and think, 'If he doesn't respond to this, I'm not confused about what that means,' and 'I'm not hoping he'll change his mind.' Both things should be true.

Send this when you've noticed the pattern clearly enough that you'd tell a friend about it. Don't send it in anger or in the middle of the night. The point isn't to punish him with words. It's to be clear with yourself. After you send it, set a concrete window for a response. Three days is reasonable. If he doesn't respond or responds in a way that doesn't match your boundary, that's your answer. You don't send a follow-up. You don't reword it. You don't wait longer to see if he comes around. You move on the same way you would if he'd never responded at all. The silence or half-response is the information you were asking for.