How to text after he said he doesn't believe in texting much
He said he's not a big texter between dates. Here's how to reply without pushing him away or disappearing entirely.
When someone tells you they don't text much between dates, they're setting a boundary. Some people prefer to save conversations for in-person time. Others use it as a way to keep things low-pressure or manage multiple people. The boundary itself is useful information, but what matters now is whether you can respect it without vanishing completely.
A good reply does two things at once. It shows you heard him and won't flood his phone. And it keeps a thin line open so you don't become invisible until the next date. You're not trying to change his mind about texting. You're just clarifying how much contact works for both of you and making sure he still wants to see you again.
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Try for freeWhat 'not a big texter' really signals
Some guys say this because they prefer phone calls or in-person time. Others say it because they're juggling multiple people and don't want the record. Some say it because they had bad experiences with constant texting and need breathing room. You can't know which one he is from the statement alone.
What you can know is that he's telling you to expect gaps. If you take that at face value, you won't spiral when he goes quiet for two days. If you ignore it and expect daily check-ins, disappointment is guaranteed. The boundary is real either way. Respect it in your own planning.
Acknowledge it clearly, then propose a rhythm
Your reply should land like you heard him and you're fine with it. Don't make it a thing. The worst move is to agree while secretly hoping he'll make an exception for you. He won't. Instead, clarify what occasional contact looks like. This might be a quick check-in before seeing him again, or just confirming the next date. Name something small and specific. This gives him an out if he decides he'd rather text zero times, and it gives you permission to reach out once without it feeling like you're ignoring his boundary.
The move isn't to persuade him. It's to say 'I get it, here's how I'll handle it' and then actually handle it that way.
Don't text him for a week, then message before the next date
Resist the urge to prove you're cool with minimal contact by never texting him. That's the opposite problem. He'll assume you've lost interest. Instead, give him real space, then send one low-stakes message a few days before you're supposed to see each other. Keep it practical. confirm plans, share something quick, or just say you're looking forward to it.
If he doesn't respond to that one message within 24 hours, don't send another. If he goes dark completely, wait until the scheduled date. If he cancels or ghosts then, you have your answer. Some guys who say they don't text much also don't follow through on dates. Watch his actions over two or three hangouts before deciding if this is just his communication style or if he's not that interested.
Why these replies fail
“Haha totally get it. I'm not really a big texter either. Hit me up whenever.”
This is matching his energy too hard and removes your right to ever reach out, leaving you powerless and waiting
“I actually think regular texting helps people get to know each other better. But if that's not your thing, no worries I guess.”
You're disagreeing with his preference and making him feel bad about it, which makes him pull back further
“Cool, cool. Looking forward to next time.”
Too vague and passive. It doesn't confirm whether he actually wants to see you again or just didn't want to seem rude
Common mistakes
- Going silent to match his energy, then acting confused when he doesn't reach out before the next date
- Testing him by not texting first, as if proving something will make him text more
- Sending a long message explaining why you think texting matters, trying to convince him
- Acting hurt or withdrawn, making it his fault for having a preference
- Agreeing enthusiastically but then texting him constantly anyway
Questions people ask
- Does 'not a big texter' mean he's not interested in me?
- Not necessarily. Some people prefer to keep dating separate from constant messaging. The real test is whether he follows through on dates and engages when you do see him. If he goes quiet between dates but shows up and is present when you're together, he's probably just that kind of person. If he cancels dates or is distant in person too, then you have a different problem.
- How long should I wait before texting him again?
- At least three to five days. Let his boundary actually breathe. Then send one message with a clear purpose, like confirming plans or asking him out. If he doesn't respond within a day, don't follow up immediately. Wait until closer to your next scheduled date or just let him reach out. Chasing someone who explicitly said they don't text much usually backfires.
- What if he doesn't make plans for another date?
- After your first reply to his 'not a big texter' comment, the next move is his. If he likes you, he'll set up a second date, even if he does it via sparse texting. If a week passes and he hasn't mentioned getting together again, send one casual message suggesting a specific plan. If he doesn't engage with that, step back. You can't force someone who doesn't text to suddenly start prioritizing you.
- Should I ask when he prefers to hear from me?
- Only if it comes up naturally. Something like 'cool, I'll give you space then' is fine. Asking him to spell out his texting preferences can come across as needy or like you're looking for reassurance. Just respect what he said and watch how he actually behaves. His actions will tell you more than any conversation about communication styles.
What people say after using WingAI
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“She went cold mid-week and I had no idea what to say. The reply I sent felt natural and she picked the chat back up.”
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