How to tell someone you're dating they don't listen to you

People not listening falls into a few buckets. They might be on their phone. They might be stressed about something else. They might have heard you but didn't follow up with questions or acknowledgment. Or they might not actually care what you're saying.

You need to know which one you're dealing with before you bring it up. If they're distracted but do remember details and ask follow-up questions when they're present, that's fixable. If they're not retaining anything you tell them, that's different. Look at the full pattern, not one bad conversation.

Name one recent time when they didn't listen. Be specific about what happened and what you needed instead. Say something like "When I told you about X, you didn't ask any follow-up questions and then changed the subject." This is concrete, not accusatory.

Then add what good listening would have looked like in that moment. Not a big thing. A question. A comment showing they remembered something you said earlier. The bare minimum of what you need from them. This tells them exactly what to do differently next time.

Don't text this when you're upset or in the middle of another argument. Don't send it late at night. Send it when you have a few minutes to talk about it if they want to. Afternoon or early evening works. Pick a day when nothing else is tense between you.

If they don't respond or dismiss it, that tells you something important. If they get defensive without asking what you meant, that's also information. Give them 24 hours minimum before you bring it up again. If they never address it or nothing changes in the next two weeks, you have your answer about whether they're willing to try.