How to tell a man you want to be his girlfriend

Your question is less about what to write and more about what the last few weeks have shown. Look at whether he initiates plans, whether he makes specific future plans, whether he introduces you to friends or mentions you to people in his life, and whether he has been dating other people in a way you can see. A man who texts you first, suggests the next date before you finish the current one, and talks about things you will do in a month is usually telling you something close to the answer. A man who only replies when you ask, keeps things vague, and goes quiet for days is giving you a different signal, even if the conversations are fun.

The other thing to check is whether your own feelings are about him or about the idea of being in a relationship. If you feel anxious when he takes two hours to reply, the message you send will carry that anxiety even if you rewrite it five times. Name the feeling to yourself first, then decide whether the message is a step you want to take now.

If the relationship is clearly exclusive and both of you have been acting like it, the message can be a plain statement that you would like to make it official. Keep it short. The point is to name what already exists and ask whether he sees it the same way. If things are still uncertain, the message should be about the relationship you are both in right now, asking what he wants from it, rather than announcing a title. A third kind is the reply to him, when he has already said something like I really like you. There you only need to say the feeling is mutual and that you would be glad to make it official, with no extra build-up.

You can tell a draft is the right kind when it contains one clear feeling, one clear wish, and a line that leaves him room. If it has more than that, cut it back. Avoid lists of reasons you like him, references to what you have been thinking for days, and any sentence that sounds like a case you are making.

Send the message at a time when he is not likely to be rushing, which usually means a weekday afternoon or early evening, not late at night and not in the middle of a workday he has mentioned. Then leave it alone. A reply within a few hours is a good sign, but a reply the next day is still normal, especially if the message is serious. If he has not answered after two days, send one short follow-up that gives him an easy opening, such as asking if he is free to talk this week. Do not send a second message about the same point.

If a week passes with no answer and no explanation, treat it as a no for now. You can say one closing line and stop, something like I'd rather know where you're at, so let me know when you have a sec. If he comes back after that, you have your answer about his pace. If he never does, you have learned that he was not going to meet you on this, and you can decide what that means for you without trying to win the conversation.