How to respond when someone opens with just 'hey' on dating apps
A 'hey' opener is low-effort. Here's how to reply in a way that actually moves the conversation forward without doing all the work.
A bare 'hey' is a test message. They're either new to dating apps, unsure what to say, running low on effort, or checking if you're worth engaging with. It's not rude. It's also not a sign they're deeply invested yet.
Your reply matters because it sets whether this becomes a real conversation or fizzles into dead air. Most people either ignore it or fire back another low-effort message, which kills momentum. A good reply shows you're actually interested without rewarding laziness or doing all the heavy lifting alone.
The move here is to be warm and specific at the same time. Reference something about them or the app that makes it clear you read their profile, then ask something that actually needs an answer. This proves you're different from the other matches in their inbox and gives them a reason to write back with more than one word.
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What a one-word opener actually signals
A 'hey' means they swiped but didn't prepare. Some people do this because they're overwhelmed by choice and figure the person will either respond or won't. Others send it to multiple matches at once as a way to test the water. A few are nervous and don't know what to say.
None of these mean they don't like you. None of them mean they do. A 'hey' is neutral and low-commitment on their part. They're waiting to see if you're interesting enough to put in the next effort. This is actually workable. You're not dealing with someone who's decided you're boring. You're dealing with someone who hasn't decided anything yet.
Make them answer something real
Your reply needs to do two things at once. Show you actually read their profile and ask something they have to think about to answer. Pull one specific detail from what they wrote or their photos. Then ask a real question about it, not a generic 'what do you like to do' question.
If they mention travel, ask about a specific place they've been or want to go. If they mention their job or a hobby, reference it and ask what draws them to it. This takes their 'hey' and tells them you're not just clicking through profiles on autopilot. It also creates friction in the conversation that makes it harder for them to respond with another one-word answer.
Send it soon and then give them space
Reply within the same session, or within a few hours. Waiting three days looks like you're playing games or just got around to checking the app. They'll have already moved on.
Once you send your reply, do not send a follow-up message if they don't respond within 24-48 hours. A 'hey' opener is low-investment, which means a nonresponse is also low-stakes. They either got busy, matched with someone else, or didn't feel like engaging. A second message from you tips the balance and makes you the one doing all the work. If they come back, great. If not, they weren't interested enough for it to matter.
Why these replies fail
“Hey back”
You're matching their energy and effort, which means you both stay stuck in small talk territory with no reason to continue.
“Haha why so mysterious? :)”
Being playfully sarcastic about their low effort reads as annoyed and burns the bridge before conversation starts.
“I love hiking, coffee, and the outdoors. What about you?”
You're venting your entire personality on someone who hasn't earned it yet, and you're still asking the same generic question they could ask anyone.
Common mistakes
- Firing back 'Hey' or 'What's up'. You're now both stuck in the same low-effort loop.
- Asking 'How are you'. It's generic and doesn't distinguish you or move the conversation anywhere.
- Writing a long paragraph about yourself. They haven't earned your full story yet.
- Ignoring them entirely. Fine move if you're not interested, but don't waste time resenting the message.
- Being sarcastic about their opener. It reads as bitter and closes the door before it opens.
Questions people ask
- Should I reply at all to just 'hey'?
- If you're interested, yes. A bare opener isn't insulting. It's just low-effort. You can reply in a way that raises the bar without punishing them for being lazy. But if you don't want to carry the conversation, don't bother replying.
- What if I can't find anything specific in their profile to reference?
- Their photos have context. Ask about something in the background. Ask where a photo was taken. Ask what they're actually looking for on the app. Anything beats repeating their energy. If their profile is completely blank, you have a legitimate excuse not to reply.
- How long should I wait before sending a second message?
- Don't. Send one good reply and leave it. If they don't respond within 24-48 hours, they're not interested enough. A second message tips the dynamic and makes you seem desperate. Move to the next match.
- Does a 'hey' mean they're not interested?
- Not necessarily. It means they haven't decided yet. Low effort can mean they're unsure, busy, or testing the water. Your job is to tip them toward engagement. If they're still not interested after you've made a real effort, that's information. Don't chase it.
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