How to respond when she won't share her last name yet

A line like 'I've had weird experiences with people finding me online' is almost always about past experience or general caution, not a verdict on the person in front of her. She's telling you where her boundary sits so you don't cross it by accident. Read it as information about her history and her pace, not as a rejection.

The way to tell the difference between a reasonable boundary and a red flag is how she behaves next. If she keeps talking, keeps being warm, and is still interested in plans or conversation, the boundary is just a boundary. If she goes cold, gets evasive about everything, or uses the boundary to avoid any real connection, that's a different signal.

Once she's named the boundary, the single most useful thing you can do is accept it in a sentence and then return to whatever you were talking about before. The longer you stay on the topic, the more the question starts to feel like a test. A short acknowledgment followed by a new question or a comment on something she said earlier shows you're comfortable and not keeping score.

Don't try to earn the last name back. Offering to share yours first is fine as a light gesture, but don't use it as a trade or a pressure move. What you want her to feel is that the conversation is still easy with you, and that she doesn't owe you anything else right now.

A boundary like this often loosens on its own once she's comfortable, usually after a few more real conversations or a first meeting. You don't have to revisit it. If the topic comes up again later, let her bring it up. When she does share it, a simple 'thanks for trusting me with that' is enough, and it's more memorable than anything clever you could say.

If you find you can't stop thinking about the last name, that's worth noticing. It often means you're more anxious about the connection than you need to be, and the fix is usually to keep the focus on the conversation rather than the missing detail.