How to respond when he sends mixed signals about commitment

If you have been seeing each other for weeks or months and he's still saying he doesn't know, the issue is rarely about timing or his past relationship. It usually means he doesn't see a future with you specifically, or he wants to keep other options open. 'Not ready' when said by someone who's been dating you steadily is often code for 'not ready for you.'

Mixed signals also happen when someone likes spending time with you but has no intention of defining the relationship. He can be affectionate and present and still be non-committal. Those things don't contradict each other. The signal is what he does about the undefined status. nothing. He leaves it open because open works for him.

Your reply should name the specific thing he's being vague about. Don't rephrase his words or soften them. If he said he's 'not sure' about commitment, you respond by clarifying what that means for how you two interact. Does he want to date other people. Does he need a specific amount of time before deciding. Is he actually interested in a relationship with you at all.

Don't ask these as questions that invite more hedging. State what you need and ask if he can give it. This forces him to either commit to something real or admit he can't. You're not asking him to figure himself out. You're asking him to be honest about his actual intentions right now.

Don't reply while you're still processing the sting of mixed signals. Wait overnight. You'll feel clearer about what you actually need from him, and your reply will be less reactive.

When you do send it, build in a deadline for his response. Not a threat. A fact. Tell him you need an answer by a specific date because you need to know where you stand. If he doesn't respond or responds with more vagueness, that's the answer. No response in a reasonable timeframe means he's chosen not to commit. Silence counts. After the deadline passes with no clear answer, stop waiting and make your own decision about whether to stay.