How to Respond When He Says He Doesn't Usually Use Dating Apps
He matched with you but mentioned he's not really a dating app guy. Learn what that signals and how to reply without seeming like you fell for a line.
When a guy tells you he doesn't usually do dating apps, he's doing a few things at once. He's partly explaining his presence there, partly testing whether you'll find it endearing or believe it's special that he made an exception for you. It might be true. It might also be a soft opener that makes him seem less 'app guy' and more selective.
A good reply doesn't pretend you don't see what's happening. It also doesn't call him out or get defensive. Instead, it acknowledges what he said without over-investing in it, and it moves the conversation toward something real. You're checking whether he can actually talk or if this was just his opening move.
The goal is to stay grounded and see if there's actual chemistry or just a rehearsed line. Keep it light, keep it brief, and move past the opener fast.
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Try for freeWhat this opener is really saying
He's signaling that he's not a 'type' of guy who lives on dating apps. He may be telling the truth, or he may have sent this same line fifty times. Either way, he's trying to establish that he's selective and that matching with you felt like something worth doing.
The subtext is also: 'Don't assume I'm desperate or a regular here.' That's not a bad thing to clarify, but it's still a calculated move. A person who just joined might say this once. Someone who uses apps regularly might say it every time to seem different.
What your reply needs to do
Keep the focus on whether he can have a real conversation. Your reply should acknowledge his comment without making it weird or making it the whole conversation. Drop it fast. Then, put out something that only gets answered if he's actually paying attention and can do more than send openers.
You want to see if he'll engage with something specific about you or about him, or if he'll just keep lobbing soft lines. A good reply is short, shows you read what he said, and then moves into actual content.
When to send and what comes next
Send within a few hours while he's still thinking about the conversation. Don't wait days trying to seem uninterested, because then the thread dies.
If he replies with something real, keep it going for two or three messages before you decide if you want to meet or keep texting. If his next message is another generic line or he doesn't respond at all, he wasn't that interested. Don't keep the conversation alive by yourself. If it dies after two or three exchanges, leave it.
Why these replies fail
“Haha I love that! Yeah I feel like dating apps can be pretty fake sometimes. I'm glad you decided to try anyway :)”
You're rewarding his opener and acting like him being there is something special you should be flattered by, which puts you in a weaker position.
“Cool. So what made you finally decide to download it?”
You're asking him to explain his opener, which validates it as the main topic and gives him the floor to craft another line.
“Same honestly. But here we are I guess lol”
This is flat and doesn't move anything forward. It doesn't show whether you can have a real conversation or if you're just being polite.
Common mistakes
- Acting like his comment is complimentary and saying something grateful or flustered back
- Asking why he joined or what made him try it, which gives the line too much air time
- Launching into a long message that ignores what he said, looking like you didn't read it
- Being sarcastic or snarky in a way that shuts down the conversation before it starts
- Immediately pivoting to logistics like meeting up, which feels like you're trying too hard
Questions people ask
- Is it actually a red flag if someone says they don't usually use dating apps?
- Not by itself. People do try apps once or twice and feel weird about it. But it's a line people use often enough that you should verify with action, not take it as truth. Watch what he actually does in the next few messages.
- Should I tell him I don't usually use dating apps either?
- Only if it's true. If you mirror it back just to match his energy, it looks like you're trying too hard to agree with him. If you do use apps regularly, just acknowledge his comment and move on to something real about either of you.
- What if he seems like he's being honest and I believe him?
- Then respond the same way. Whether he's telling the truth or not, your job is the same. Keep the conversation short, show you're paying attention, and see if he can go deeper. People who are being honest will do that. People just using lines usually won't.
- How long should I wait for a reply before I assume he's not interested?
- If you reply within hours and he doesn't write back within twelve to twenty-four hours, his interest level is probably low. Send one message max. After that, drop it. Don't chase a conversation that doesn't have momentum.
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“Used it for a couple hours and set up a date the same night. Not even kidding.”
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