How to respond when she says she's not emotionally available

This statement usually means three separate things at once. She's not in a mental or emotional place to build something serious right now. She's interested in you, or she wouldn't bother saying this instead of just disappearing. She's telling you her capacity, not your worth.

The reason she's saying it matters. Sometimes it's temporary, she's dealing with work, family stuff, a recent breakup. Sometimes it's about her attachment style or trust issues. Sometimes it's about you specifically, the chemistry or timing doesn't line up. You won't know which, and asking her to diagnose herself puts her on the spot. Accept that you don't get to know the full picture, and that's okay. She's given you the information you need to make your choice.

First, acknowledge what she actually said. Don't reframe it. Don't soften it. Don't suggest a workaround. Just repeat back that you heard her: she's not in a place for something serious. This takes thirty seconds and it matters because it proves you listened instead of heard what you wanted.

Second, say what you need in a single sentence. Something like 'I'm looking for something real though, so I need to step back.' You're not angry. You're not disappointed in her as a person. You're just being honest about the mismatch. Then stop. Don't add 'but I'm here if that changes' or 'maybe someday though'. That reads as hope disguised as respect, and it makes the boundary confusing.

Reply within a few hours. Not immediately, that looks reactive. But not tomorrow or later, that looks like you're stewing on it. Daytime is better than late night. Keep it short enough to show you're not agonizing over it.

After you send it, don't follow up. If she replies, you can be warm and normal. If she doesn't, that's her answer. Don't check in a week later to see if things have shifted. Don't like her posts to remind her you exist. Don't text her after a few months have passed 'just to see how she's doing.' The boundary she set includes not waiting around. You respect it by actually walking away, not by pretending to while staying half-attached.