Plan a date when she won't tell you what she likes
When someone's vague about interests, use their silence as data. Here's how to suggest something specific and move toward yes.
When someone won't pin down what they enjoy, it usually means they're indecisive or they're testing whether you'll actually lead. Either way, vagueness is your signal to stop asking and start deciding.
A good reply here doesn't ask more questions. It proposes something concrete based on what you do know about them, then makes it easy to say yes or redirect to something they actually want. You're taking the burden of planning off them while leaving room for them to steer.
This move does two things. It shows you can take initiative instead of ping-ponging with more "what do you like?" texts. It also forces them to either commit or tell you what they actually want, which breaks the vague loop.
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Vague answers mean they're either lazy or testing you
When someone says "oh, I like lots of things" or "I'm pretty open to anything," they're not being helpful. But that's the point. Either they haven't thought about it and don't want to, or they're waiting to see if you'll actually take charge instead of asking for a plan.
The vagueness isn't a puzzle to solve by asking better questions. It's a sign that the planning phase needs to end. Move into concrete proposal mode. Pick something that fits what you know about them already, even if it's just "they seem cool and willing." If they hate it, they'll tell you, and then you have real information.
Name a specific date, place, and thing to do
Your reply needs to do three things. First, propose an actual activity with a location, not just a time and vague hangout. Not "let's hang soon" but "Tuesday evening at that new taco place on Fifth" or "Saturday morning walk in the park."
Second, make it easy to say yes without more back and forth. Don't offer options or ask for confirmation. Just suggest it clearly.
Third, leave one small door open for them to redirect if the suggestion misses. "Unless you had something else in mind" or "let me know if that doesn't work for you" gives them a graceful out without making them feel steamrolled.
Send it on a weekday, give them 48 hours, then move on
Send the proposal on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday. Weekends carry too much weight. Give them two full days to respond. If they say yes, lock it down with a specific time and any logistics they need.
If they ghost or come back with another vague answer after you've given them a concrete option, stop texting. One unanswered proposal is your signal. Don't send a follow-up in five days or a "hey, still thinking about that?" message. If they want to see you, they know where to find you. Move on to someone who engages.
Why these replies fail
“haha okay what about dinner? or we could do drinks, or coffee, or maybe a hike? what sounds good to you?”
You're asking them to choose from a menu instead of taking the lead, which defeats the whole point when they're already being vague.
“totally understand, no pressure! whenever you figure out what you like, just let me know and we can make something happen”
You're moving the responsibility back to them and signaling you're willing to wait indefinitely, which kills momentum.
“would you maybe want to grab coffee this weekend if you're not too busy? i'm pretty flexible with timing”
Too many outs and qualifiers make this sound uncertain, and "this weekend" is too vague even though you're trying to be concrete.
Common mistakes
- Asking yet another question instead of proposing a time and place
- Suggesting something so generic (coffee, drinks) that it doubles down on their vagueness
- Waiting for them to suggest an activity before you name a date
- Listing multiple options and asking them to pick, which feels like work for them
- Apologizing for suggesting something or framing it as tentative ("if you want" or "would you maybe")
Questions people ask
- What if I suggest something and they say they don't like that activity?
- Good. Now you have real information. Ask what they'd actually prefer instead of suggesting more options. Once they tell you, propose a new specific plan. If they stay vague again, that's your answer about how much effort they're willing to put in.
- Should I ask about their schedule before I suggest a date?
- No. Propose a time and place first. If it doesn't work, they'll tell you. Asking "what's your schedule like?" before you've even suggested anything just extends the vague loop.
- What if they keep saying they're open to anything after I suggest something specific?
- They're telling you they don't care enough to have a preference. That's not your problem to solve. Stick with your suggestion, confirm a time, and show up. If they flake or don't seem into it, you have your answer.
- How many times should I try before I give up?
- One concrete proposal that goes unanswered is enough. If they respond with another vague answer instead of saying yes or no to your idea, you can try once more with something different. After that, let it go. They're either not interested or not worth the effort.
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