How to text him you want to define the relationship

If he's avoided the talk so far, he's either unsure about what he wants, moving slower than you, or avoiding the label for a reason. You need to know which one before you respond to him. A guy who wants to be with you will usually say so when asked directly. If he dodges, changes the subject, or gives a non-answer, that's data. It doesn't mean he's a bad person, but it means his timeline or intentions don't match yours.

The fact that you're bringing it up means you've already decided you need an answer. Trust that instinct. If he gets defensive about being asked where he stands, that's telling too. A simple question about where he is shouldn't feel like an attack to someone who's in it.

Your job is to make it safe for him to be honest, even if honest means he's not ready or not sure. Use language that says 'I want to talk' rather than 'we need to talk' or 'we should figure this out'. The first one feels like a conversation. The second one feels like a problem.

Name what's good about things right now. Give him a reason to want the conversation, not just a reason to dread it. Then ask him directly what he's thinking or what he wants. Avoid yes-no questions that corner him into a single answer. Leave space for him to tell you what's actually on his mind.

Timing matters because the medium here is text, which is terrible for real conversations. Send it during daytime hours when he's not at work in a meeting or already settled in for the night. Early evening usually works better than late night. He needs mental space to think about it, not adrenaline from a sudden question before bed.

After you send it, give him at least a day to respond. If he reads it and doesn't reply within two days, that's your answer. At that point you can either ask him in person if you see him soon, or accept that he's not ready to have this talk. Don't follow up the message with another message. One conversation starter is enough. If he's interested in having the talk, he'll respond.