How to know if you should keep dating someone outside your type

A mismatch with your usual type tells you very little about whether this person is good for you. The shape of the conversation tells you more. Does she ask follow-up questions that show she remembered something you said? Does she bring up things from earlier in the chat? Does she take your jokes and build on them, or let them drop? Those are signs of real interest and attention, and they show up whether or not she looks or sounds like the person you pictured.

Also look at what she shares about herself. If her profile and messages give you specific things to respond to, like a strong opinion, a weird habit, or a plan she's excited about, she's giving you something to work with. If everything she says is general and agreeable, the conversation will stall no matter how good the match looks on paper.

You don't have to be sure before the first date, and you shouldn't expect to be. A lot of people who turn out to be good matches feel a little flat at first, especially if they're used to a different kind of pull. The thing to watch is whether the conversation loosens up after the first twenty minutes. If you're still performing or checking your phone by the second drink, that tells you something. If you're laughing and losing track of time, that tells you something too, even if it's not the rush you expected.

After the date, ask yourself a simple question: do I want to know more about this person, or do I want to know why I'm not feeling what I expected? The first one is a reason to keep going. The second usually isn't. Seeing someone while you work through that question wastes both of your time.

One date is rarely enough to tell whether a mismatch is a real problem or just unfamiliar territory. Two is a better test, because by the second meeting you're past the nervous stage and can see how the person acts when things are relaxed. If you want to give it a fair shot, set up the second date within a week or so of the first, while it's still fresh. Waiting longer usually turns a maybe into a no by default.

If the second date goes well, plan a third that's different from the first so you see another side of them. If it goes flat, say so honestly and stop. You don't owe anyone a long goodbye, but you also don't owe a third date to someone who's making you feel like you need to justify a lack of spark.