Ask if he wants to commit or keep things casual

Ambiguity isn't neutral. It's usually a choice, even if he doesn't see it that way. A man who wants a relationship moves toward it. He talks about future plans, introduces you to his friends, makes time consistently. A man keeping things casual also shows this clearly, but through absence of those signals. What you're noticing instead is inconsistency. He's warm one week and distant the next. He texts regularly but never asks you out in advance. He calls you his "friend" to others but acts romantic alone. This pattern exists because he either hasn't decided what he wants, or he knows and is avoiding the conversation because the answer isn't what you want to hear. Either way, you're waiting for him to figure it out while your time passes. The ambiguity works in his favor, not yours.

Your message has one real job. get him to state what he actually wants, not what sounds good. This means asking directly about commitment or casual dating, using those words or clear equivalents. Vague questions like "Where is this going?" or "What are we?" let him respond with vague answers. Instead, make him choose between actual positions. Second, your tone must feel like a real question, not an accusation. If he hears blame in your voice, he'll get defensive and either lie to make you happy or shut down entirely. Read your draft aloud. Does it sound calm. Does it sound like you already decided he's done something wrong. Remove any frustration or sarcasm. Third, don't package the question as a test. Don't say "Be honest" or "I need to know" in a way that makes him feel he's under examination. Frame it as something you want to know because you respect him and yourself, not because you suspect him of wrongdoing.

Send this when you're calm and not in an emotional moment. Not after you've been scrolling his Instagram. Not after he cancels plans. Not late at night. Send it during the day when you can let it sit without obsessing over the response. Expect a real answer within 24 to 48 hours. If he responds with a non-answer, a joke, or redirects the conversation, send one follow-up asking him to actually engage. Something brief that says you're serious. If he ignores you or ghosts after that, you have your answer. His silence is a commitment to casual or less. If he says he wants casual and you want a relationship, ending it is the only honest move. If he says he wants to commit but his actions don't change within a few weeks, trust his actions, not his words, and decide if you're staying or leaving. Don't ask again. You've asked. Now you're either moving forward together or moving on.