How to ask her out when she says she's going home for the holidays next week

She mentioned going home because it's a fact about her week, and it's also the moment she's most likely to be thinking about what happens next. If she's leaving for three weeks, she may already be wondering whether the momentum will survive the break. That's a reason to show a bit of interest now, not a reason to back off.

Her message also tells you something about her life. People who travel for the holidays usually have a fixed rhythm: family, old friends, a slower pace. She isn't likely to be checking her phone expecting a date request, so an ask that is light and easy to answer fits better than one that needs a full plan. Read the tone of her message. If she's enthusiastic about going home, she probably wants to talk about that. If she's flat about it, she may be less excited about the break than she's letting on.

There are roughly three kinds of message that fit here. The first is a message that stays in the conversation she started, acknowledging the trip and mentioning that you'd like to get coffee or a drink when she's back. That kind keeps the subject close to what she raised and doesn't ask her to decide anything today. The second is a message that names a concrete window after she returns, so she has a sense of when you mean. It should be a range, not a single slot, and it should be easy to adjust. The third is a message that asks her to tell you something, like what she's looking forward to at home, which keeps the conversation alive while signalling you want to hear more.

You can tell a draft is working if it gives her one thing to answer. It fails if it asks her to plan, apologize, or explain. Leave out any mention of missing her, any joke about being left behind, and any request that she commit to something during the holidays.

Send the ask the same day she tells you, or the next morning at the latest. Waiting longer makes the message feel like you've been deciding whether it matters. Sending it while she's still talking about the trip keeps it inside the same thread.

Expect her reply to be slow or short while she's packing and traveling. If she doesn't answer within two days, send one brief follow-up that lightly picks up the thread, such as asking how the trip is going, without restating the ask. If she still doesn't respond, don't send a third message. Wait until the week she gets back, then reopen the conversation with something unrelated to the holidays. If there's still no answer after that, stop, because the silence is telling you what you need to know.