He wanted to take things slower, then disappeared. What to do.

This pattern usually breaks down a few ways. He felt the intensity and got scared, so he's using 'slower' as a soft exit. Something changed in his life or his feelings, and he's avoiding the conversation by going silent. Or he's keeping you in orbit while he pursues someone else or waits to see what else is out there.

The real signal is the silence. 'Taking things slower' requires actually staying in contact, just with less pressure. A week or more of nothing isn't slow. It's stopped. That contradiction tells you what's really happening, and it changes how you should respond. You're not responding to his words. You're responding to his behavior.

Your reply needs to do two things. First, name the inconsistency between what he said and what he's doing, but lightly. Not accusatory. Just factual. 'We talked about slowing down, but I haven't heard from you' is straight and simple.

Second, signal that you're not sitting in a holding pattern. You're a person with a life and other options. Don't say that directly. Just hint it by being casual, not desperate. Keep it short. Short messages say you have other things to do. Then you stop writing. No follow-up, no questions that beg for answers, no emotional appeals. You've made the move. Now he decides.

Don't send a message while you're still upset or confused. Give yourself seventy-two hours. If he hasn't reached out by then, that's your signal that the ball is in his court now. A message from you three days in is already generous.

If he doesn't reply within two days of your message, you're done. No second text. No checking in. If he comes back after a week or two with an explanation or apology, you can decide then if he's worth your time. But you don't follow up, you don't ask why, and you don't send 'just checking in' messages. That's the chase, and you're not chasing.