He said he wants to focus on himself: what to reply

The phrase focus on myself is doing specific work. It names a reason that is about his capacity, not about you. That matters because it tells you the decision is probably not a verdict on your qualities. It also means the reason is one he may feel differently about in a few weeks or months, which is not the same as the door being open now. Read the rest of the message too. If he gave a concrete reason like work stress, a recent breakup, or wanting to get fit or move, he is describing a season of life. If the message is vague and he says he just needs some time without any detail, he may be softening a no. Either way, the most useful thing you can do is take the stated reason at face value. Treating it as a negotiation point almost always makes it harder to revisit later, because it confirms the worry that you were not listening the first time.

Also notice what he did not say. He did not ask to stay friends, did not propose a next step, and did not leave an opening like let's talk when things settle. That absence is informative. It usually means he is closing the current chapter rather than pausing it on purpose.

The reply has to do three things. First, confirm you received the message and accept his decision in plain words, without the word understand repeated or a lecture about respecting boundaries. Second, respond to the real human content of what he said, such as hoping work eases up or wishing him well with the stuff he is dealing with, so it reads as you caring about him and not just about the outcome. Third, close off any open plans or threads so there is no leftover invitation hanging between you. If you had a date planned, say you will skip it. Keep the whole thing under three sentences. A reply that ends on a light, warm note gives him an easy way to be the person who was kind about it too.

What you leave out matters as much as what you include. Do not restate your feelings, do not say you will be here if he changes his mind, and do not ask a question that requires him to keep talking. Any of those puts the next move back on him in a way that feels like pressure, even if you did not mean it that way. A short reply that asks nothing of him is the strongest signal you can send that you are not going to fight the decision.

Do not send anything else for at least a week after your reply, and ideally longer. The reason is that a second message, even a friendly one, tells him the decision still needs managing. If he wants to reconnect later, he will usually initiate it, and that is the only version worth responding to. If you feel a pull to check in, wait until a natural occasion appears, like a mutual friend mentioning him or a post you both would reasonably see, and even then keep it to a single light comment rather than a message.

If he does not reply to your closing message, treat that as the answer it is. Silence after a clear statement of focusing on himself is the normal way people end things they have already decided on. Do not send a follow-up asking if he got your message or whether you did something wrong. If he reaches out again on his own weeks or months later, you can respond warmly and see where he is at. If he never does, the case is closed, and continuing to watch his social media or sending occasional check-ins will only keep you stuck in a conversation he has already finished.