What to do when a girl gives me her Facebook instead of her number

A Facebook name given in person, especially with an "I'm bad at my phone" joke, usually means she liked talking to you but isn't handing out her number yet. That's a low-commitment move. It keeps the door open without asking you to be on her phone. The conversation you had in person is what you have to build on, so your message should point back to something real from it.

It doesn't tell you how much she wants to hear from you. She may have given it to three people that night. Read it as a yes to staying in touch, not a yes to dating. Your job is to find out which one it is by being easy to talk to on the platform she picked.

A good first Messenger message is like a note you'd leave on someone's desk. It has one reference to the night you met, one light comment or question, and nothing she has to answer in a particular way. It should feel finished even if she never replies, so she doesn't feel she owes you anything.

Don't ask for a phone number in the first line. If you want to move to texting, let it come up naturally once she's answered and the conversation has some momentum. Asking for a number right away makes the whole thing feel like a transaction, and it tells her you see her Facebook as a stepping stone instead of the channel she chose.

Facebook messages are easy to forget, so a day or two of silence doesn't mean much. Wait about three days before following up. If she replies at all, match her length and energy. If there's no reply, send one short second message that adds something new, like a link to the place you mentioned or a quick note about an event you're both going to. Then stop.

If you've sent two messages with no answer and no reaction to the friend request, that's your answer. She's either not on Facebook much or she's not interested. Let it go and don't send a third. Stopping at two is respectful and keeps you from becoming the guy she'd rather avoid.