What to text as a first message on a dating site

The part of her profile that tells you the most is what she wrote in her own words, not the basic facts like height or job. People choose prompts they want to talk about, so a line about a terrible road trip or a strong opinion about cilantro is an invitation. Her photos matter too, but mostly for what they show you about what she does, since a photo of her hiking or cooking gives you a real thing to ask about. Pick the one detail that has some energy in it. A joke, a complaint, or a specific place is usually more useful than a generic interest like travel or music. If she has written a strong opinion, she is probably willing to defend it, which makes a good opener. If she has written almost nothing, your opener should be lighter and easier to answer, because she may be hesitant to write long replies at all.

Good openers come in a few broad shapes. One is a direct reaction to a specific line in her profile, where you agree, disagree, or ask what she meant. Another is a question about a real experience she has mentioned, such as a place she has been or a thing she says she is good at. A third is a light tease about one of her stated opinions, which works best when the teasing is clearly friendly. Each shape does the same job, which is to give her a single easy hook. Judge your draft by counting the things it asks her to respond to. If it asks for one thing, it is probably fine. If it asks for two or three, cut it down. Leave out a list of questions, any mention of how great she looks, and any claim about how much you two will get along. Those ask her to do work or to accept something she has not earned yet.

Dating apps tend to be busiest in the evening and on weekends, so a message sent then is more likely to be buried. A message sent on a weekday morning often gets read when she is between tasks and can actually reply. Give her about a day before you think about a second message, since many people check apps in bursts. If she replies, match her energy and length, and keep the conversation moving with one question at a time. If she does not reply after two or three days, do not send a follow-up that says she has not answered. One gentle second message, or simply letting it go, is the right move. If you have sent two messages with no answer, stop. Staying in the conversation past that point usually just makes you look needy, and it wastes time you could spend on someone who is actually replying.